Breaking News: Anti-Chick-Fil-A protesters plan sit-in

Since Chick-Fil-A president Dan Cathy spoke out in favor of traditional marriage a whirlwind debate has swept the nation. Everything from petty name calling to public officials vowing banishment of the fast-food chain has been thrown out to try and get Cathy to retract his statement. Despite all the hullabaloo though, the latest twist in the firestorm is probably the most interesting. Yesterday anti-Chick-Fil-A protesters announced they have organized a nation-wide protest/sit-in that will take place once a week for the next several weeks. This large group, comprised of several smaller LGBT groups around the country, will be picketing and sitting in every Sunday hoping to cripple Chick-Fil-A's profitability enough to force the hand of it's president. One of the organizers agreed to speak to us under the condition of anonymity: "Obviously we can't do this every day because most of us have jobs, so we figured if we could take down one day of every week that would reduce their profits by at least one-seventh. That should hurt 'em enough to make them rethink this hateful stance." The organizer went on to say "We know Chick-Fil-A is really churchy, too, so we're betting a lot of people come in after church on Sunday to eat. That coupled with the reasons I mentioned earlier makes Sunday the ideal day for these demonstrations".
     A member of Chick-Fil-A's cooperate leadership team also agreed to speak to us under the condition of anonymity: "Due to the fact that Chick-Fil-A is closed every Sunday we not only believe this demonstration will have zero effect on our current customers, we believe it will increase business throughout the rest of the week. These groups have been providing so much free advertising for Chick-Fil-A that we have been able to almost entirely eliminate our advertising budget. Thanks to these people it looks like Chick-Fil-A is going to have a banner year!"
     The anonymous protest organizer scoffed at the remarks: "We'll see if they're singing the same tune next Monday."
     The protests are scheduled to begin this coming Sunday. A Mind On Display will have correspondents on the ground and will be providing a full breakdown of the aftermath.

For a full list of contributors to this report please see http://justincunningham.blogspot.com/2012/07/breaking-news-anti-chick-fil-protesters.html

The famous Dairy Queen Subway story

     Hello friends, tonight I would like to tell you a personal tale of a friend of mine I used to work with at the Dairy Queen. I have no reason to share this with you other than personal satisfaction but I hope, as with all my posts, perhaps you can learn from it at some level. Although the events described in the following story are completely true and accurate the names of the main characters (save myself, of course) have been changed for their protection.
     It all started one hot summer evening while the traveling carnival was in town. I was a young, but highly respected general manager of the local Dairy Queen. I had underneath me a team of employees who were generally submissive, one of which was a girl named Kandace (not her real name, of course). Several of the ladies that worked for me decided to have a "girl's night out at the fair", but unfortunately not all of them could have the luxury of a night off so Kandace drew the shortest straw and was made to stay behind to do my bidding. Although saddened by this turn of affairs Kandace held her head high as she responded by saying "I understand and highly respect your decision, and although it grieves me to have to miss the evenings festivities, I thank you for your kindness in even hearing my plea and considering it. You, sir, are a great manager". The ladies recognized the sadness in Kandace's eyes and offered to get dinner and bring it to her so they could at least enjoy fellowship over a meal together on her break. "Anything you want Kandace. Ask us to bring anything you desire for dinner and it will be granted to you" the ladies said regarding the dinner to come. She could think of only one thing that would take the pain away from this tragic situation, "I would like Mr. Goodcents, please!" The order was taken and plans were made. They were to meet at the Dairy Queen the following evening at sundown, Mr. Goodcents in hand. Kandace could hardly sleep, for she loved Mr. Goodcents with all her heart.
     As the time for her shift to began grew nigh Kandace entered the Dairy Queen glowing like a school kid on the first day of summer. Her day had been just right up to that point. She had received a favorable report card from school, found and extra $20 in an old pair of pants, and reached her personal best in the long jump earlier that day. She clocked in and waited for her girlfriends and the meal that was to come shortly. Then the call came; "We're on our way!" Kandace squealed as she hung up the phone as though she had just been asked on a date by the quarterback of the football team. However, when the ladies arrived things took an ugly turn.
     One by one Kandace's camp of girlfriends came through the doors of the Dairy Queen, but there was no sign of Mr. Goodcents. Then she saw that which she feared most...a bag from Subway. She asked of the ladies, "Why Subway? I thought we were going to have Mr. Goodcents." Without a second thought Christy, the ringleader of this gang, responded "We decided on Subway, it's the same thing!" Kandace respectfully protested "No it's not. Mr. Goodcents uses fresher ingredients and is more eco-friendly. Plus, they use organic meat from cageless chicken and beef farms that are free of harmful chemical additives." "Well, what's done is done. Are you gonna eat or not?" Christy responded. With a heavy heart Kandace choked down the Subway and the chemical additives. She maintained her composure and remained thankful that the ladies had brought her dinner.
     After the women had gone on to the carnival Kandace returned to the service area of the restaurant where I greeted her with a sincere and heartfelt apology; "I heard about the Subway fiasco...I'm really sorry!" With that Kandace buried her face in her hands and fled to the back, tears flowing as she wailed and sobbed over the evenings turn of events. THE END!

Taco Bell

     It's no secret for those who know me that I love Taco Bell. Yes, Taco Bell and I have been through a lot, so as such I have composed the following poem to celebrate our life together thus far.

Taco Bell, my lovely Taco Bell, how I adore thee.
We have shared a life together that I could have never dreamed of.
You are good for me in every way.
You provide nutrition, you taste great, you are affordable, you are good for my soul.
When I was young my parents tried to keep us apart,
but when I matured to driving age they could not keep me from you any longer.
You were the first meal my wife and I shared after we exchanged our marriage vows.
You were there for me when she told me she was pregnant again...and again...and again.
Yes, Taco Bell, you have been there for me.
Again in adulthood liars tried to separate me from you by accusing you of using fake beef.
However, we locked arms and stood firm until the charges were dismissed,
and the accusers fled in utter humiliation.
I never doubted your sincerity.
I remember working at Dairy Queen next door to you.
I would venture off on lunch break to be with you in secret.
Even though our relationship was concealed at the time, I knew it wasn't wrong.
Some of those who know us mock and ridicule our love,
Pay no attention to them, for they are just jealous of what we have.
What does the future hold for us my love?
I don't know, I cannot say.
I do know, however, that whatever comes we will face it hand in hand.
And we will be together all the days of our lives, my Taco Bell and I.