Spotlight on Technology

Hello readers! Tonight I would like to call your attention to some of the wonderful technological advances that have been brought to us through the beer industry. Now, I certainly do not consider myself a fan or a supporter of beer (or alcohol in any form), but even someone as dry as myself cannot ignore the fact that beer has brought us some fabulous advances in the field of technology:

The Wide Mouth Can
When consuming any beverage what is the biggest obstacle you face? I believe I speak for the entire human race when I say it has to be the fact that you can never drink fast enough. The Wide Mouth can changed all that when it offered the ability to consume its contents at a 45% greater rate than its regular mouth competitors.

Side Note:The Wide Mouth can was later on adopted by the Pepsi Company for use in its Mountain Dew line. This was done in order that all-night video game marathon participants would be able to consume an entire can of Dew in less than 2 seconds (which was the standard time delay from one level to the next at the time) and have the energy to stay sharp and make good decisions during play.

The Tall Boy
When drinking a can of any beverage typically one finds oneself still parched after the beverage is long gone. This is so because some of the first beer breweries invented the 12 ounce can in order that their customers would be just shy of fulfillment after enjoying a cold one, thereby leaving them no choice but to grab another. Back then Americans could not handle alcohol like they can today, so by the time they finished the second can (because they were not wasteful) they had become so intoxicated that they would go on to drink another 10 beers before passing out (thus the 12-pack was born). The Tall Boy can addressed this in the mid 1990s when it offered a whopping 16 ounces of brew, 4 ounces greater than its predecessors, and just enough to keep any beer-drinker happy while at the same time curbing over-indulgence.

The Vent Can
Another challenge that crippled the world up until the early 2000s was what is known as "backlash" or "the ripple effect". "Backlash" happens when one is "chugging" a beverage and the flow is interupted by air trying to enter the can. This causes a split second stoppage of the escaping liquid which is followed by an abnormally large wave of the substance that often results in choking or spillage. The "ripple effect" is a series of "backlashes" in a row. This came to an end in the mid 2000s when Coors Brewing Company introduced the Vent can, a can featuring a small indention on the side that was thought to let air enter the can without causing "backlash". Some question claims that the can solved the problem of "backlash" but sales soared despite the negative press.

The Cold Indicator Can
I know that when I go for an ice cold can of Coke it is often difficult for me to tell, just by touching the can, whether or not it is cold. I know most, if not all, of us have had this problem so Coors Brewing Company again stepped up to the plate with the "Cold Indicator" can (which would be soon followed by the accompanying "Cold Indicator Window" box). This quantum leap in the industry allowed drinkers to identify which beers were actually cold by simply looking at a display on the can that changed colors depending on temperature. The need to actually touch the can and judge its cold factor had become nothing more than legand.

Side Note: After the "Cold Indicator" can was released to the public the Coors Company briefly surpassed NASA as the leader in the field of technological advancement (according to a poll of the World's 100 Most Influential Scientists) and the "Cold Indicator" can and "Cold Indicator Window" box both won Nobel Prizes. Coors also won 2 Nobel Peace Prizes in back-to-back years as a result of the release of the above-mentioned products, making it the first brewery to acomplish the feat.

As I said above I do not drink beer and do not endorse the use of alcohol, but I can still appreciate all that this industry has brought to the world. Thank you for reading!

The Worst Toy I Have Ever Seen

My son had his first Birthday party last month and he received a toy that I believe represents almost everything that is wrong with this country and why the next generation is headed for destruction. Don't get me wrong, I know the person who gave this gift did so with good intentions and most people probably would have never noticed the disturbing actions portrayed by this toy (I only discovered the troubling issues after weeks of careful study). Take a look at this thing. Go ahead, take several minutes to look at the image here before you continue reading. Do you see anything you don't like? What you are looking at is an overweight, workaholic that is talking on his cell phone while enjoying fast food and driving his car. I don't even know where to begin with this! Let us begin with the cell phone. Everyone knows by now it is dangerous to talk and drive at the same time. Now, a lot of people ignore this and do it anyway, which is certainly their prerogative, but to actually make a toy that encourages such behavior is completely unacceptable. As if that wasn't bad enough, instead of salvaging what shred of safety they could by having this man hold the wheel with at least one hand the makers of this toy decided that it would be better for him to be on a busy lunch break using the other hand to eat. I could stop right now because I'm sure the parents reading this are frantically searching in their own child's toy collection making sure this abomination is not present, but there is more. The gentleman this toy is modeled after is obviously so obsessed with his work that he has no time to get a haircut, take care of himself, and probably spends no time with his wife and kids. I don't know about you, but I DO NOT want my boy growing up to be anything like this! With that in mind I encourage all of you that have children and want something more for them than what cooperate America has to offer to unite and send a message that this toy be recalled! Any toy that is considered dangerous is given a safety recall, so why should a toy that threatens our children's very future be any different? Thank you all for your time and lets keep changing this world together, one post at a time.

Why Littering is GOOD for the Enviornment: The Untold Story

Hello everyone and welcome back. Littering and garbage has been getting a lot of bad press for a while now and frankly I'm getting a little sick of all the one-sidedness by the liberal media on the matter. In fact, just the name "litter" has become so detestable that using it will actually get you suspended in some West Coast schools. So we are going to cure this rampant ignorance by giving you the side of the story you never thought you wanted to know...the benefits of littering. Yes, there ARE positive aspects of littering and it can actually help the environment. Think about it for a minute. Where does all that garbage come from? The answer may surprise you: it came from nature! Everything on Earth was already here. Humans are unable to create matter, therefore every piece of trash you "create" was not actually created by you, but rather it originally came from nature (in some form or another). Yes, even toxic "waste" came from the very Mother Earth that these fact-perverting Environmentalists are trying to "protect". When you throw your left-over food wrappers out the window you are actually giving back to nature just a portion of what she has given you, and you can feel good about that. Instead of selfishly keeping in locked in a trash bag prison, you are allowing it freedom to be used by nature all over again!

With that in mind here are some pointers that will help you as you give back to nature. First, be sure to throw your trash in a forest, glade, pond, ocean, or some other natural setting. This will ensure that nature will get the benefit of the materials to be used and they will not be trapped in a dumpster or waste can, rendered worthless by anyone. Second, do not recycle. Despite what you may have been spoon-fed in public school recycling is extremely selfish and not only hurts Mother Earth physically, it hurts her feelings. When you recycle you are basically saying "Hey nature, I want this garbage to use for my own things and you can't have it". Clearly this is an enormous slap in the face to our home planet. Third, be sure to take the time to throw unused metals, appliances, and vehicles into caves or bury them. This is only appropriate considering metals have to be mined from within the Earth.

Now that you know the truth about "littering" and how good it is for everyone I hope you will tell everyone you know and we can change the world together. Littering is just one small thing we can all do to make this world a better place. Thank you, and please direct any naysayers or unbelievers here, for you can't argue with fact! Good night.

How to Save the Gulf of Mexico

Hello everyone. Tonight we are going to discuss the oil situation in the Gulf of Mexico, while simultaneously saving the American economy and protecting us from excessive tax hikes that are looming. With all the oil that has been leaking into the Gulf many people have come up with several different ideas on how to get rid of it, but here's what I want to know: How can we take advantage of all that oil? You see, while some in Washington and Hollywood want to spend trillions of dollars to just move the oil out of the Gulf and waste it I have come up with a solution that makes an opportunity of all that free-floating oil. Meanwhile, America faces the largest and most frightening deficit spending in history, a deficit that will ultimately lead to higher taxes sooner or later. We need to find a way to make other people pay for all this spending so we don't have to. The solution: We need to make the Gulf of Mexico the worlds largest community pool, and here's how we're going to do it:
The first step is blocking the Gulf off from the rest of the ocean. This will be accomplished by a barricade that will run from the Southern tip of Florida to Havana, Cuba and from there to Cancun, Mexico. We will then drain the Gulf dry. Yes, some sea life will have to be sacrificed in order to accomplish this, but most of the fish will simply be washed out with the water and will be introduced to a world they never knew existed, so no big deal. Once the Gulf is dry we simply have to wait for the oil to dry up which will seal the entire bottom, setting up the World's largest public pool. After this we simply refill the Gulf and start charging foreign tourists $5 a head for a day of swimming! I have done some preliminary figuring and this will generate over $950 billion in the first year alone (not including domestic tourists coming for a swim)*. As you can see this is a far better idea than shooting golf balls into the hole or letting Kevin Costner use some machine he put together in his basement. The only question left is: "You are talking about deficit spending, well how are you gonna pay to build this wall and drain the Gulf moron!" Simple: BP is going to take all those payouts they were going to give to everyone (which, I might add, will probably just end up being spent foolishly on wine, women, and song) and pay for it themselves.
Thank you all for reading and telling all your friends to read. Next time we will talk about how littering and polluting is actually good for Mother Earth.

*Figures have not been evaluated by an independent third party and are in no way to be considered a guarantee. Actual results may vary.

A Mind On Display: The Return

Hello faithful followers. As you already know I have taken a few weeks off from blogging. I have done so in order that I might clear my mind and be able to focus on some issues that are very important to me and I feel need to be addressed, not because I have simply been lazy. So this post is simply to let you know that I am back, and I vow to make this blog better than you ever thought it could be. I will use every resource available to me to make this a blog that takes issues we all face and put forth ideas we can all utilize in order to properly deal with those issues. I make it my promise to you, the readers, before the whole watching world that I will try my hardest to make the ideas that make it to the pages of this blog so revolutionary, so unorthodox, that you would have never thought them possible. So tell all your friends! Tell your neighbors! Tell those people you can't stand! Tell them to read this blog, to follow this blog, and to send me money that we might be able to change the world we live in, one post at a time! Thank you, and I am looking forward to spending time with all of you.