Hello everyone. Tonight we are going to discuss the oil situation in the Gulf of Mexico, while simultaneously saving the American economy and protecting us from excessive tax hikes that are looming. With all the oil that has been leaking into the Gulf many people have come up with several different ideas on how to get rid of it, but here's what I want to know: How can we take advantage of all that oil? You see, while some in Washington and Hollywood want to spend trillions of dollars to just move the oil out of the Gulf and waste it I have come up with a solution that makes an opportunity of all that free-floating oil. Meanwhile, America faces the largest and most frightening deficit spending in history, a deficit that will ultimately lead to higher taxes sooner or later. We need to find a way to make other people pay for all this spending so we don't have to. The solution: We need to make the Gulf of Mexico the worlds largest community pool, and here's how we're going to do it:
The first step is blocking the Gulf off from the rest of the ocean. This will be accomplished by a barricade that will run from the Southern tip of
Florida to Havana, Cuba and from there to Cancun, Mexico. We will then drain the Gulf dry. Yes, some sea life will have to be sacrificed in order to accomplish this, but most of the fish will simply be washed out with the water and will be introduced to a world they never knew existed, so no big deal. Once the Gulf is dry we simply have to wait for the oil to dry up which will seal the entire bottom, setting up the World's largest public pool. After this we simply refill the Gulf and start charging foreign tourists $5 a head for a day of swimming! I have done some preliminary figuring and this will generate over $950 billion in the first year alone (not including domestic tourists coming for a swim)*. As you can see this is a far better idea than shooting golf balls into the hole or letting Kevin Costner use some machine he put together in his basement. The only question left is: "You are talking about deficit spending, well how are you gonna pay to build this wall and drain the Gulf moron!" Simple: BP is going to take all those payouts they were going to give to everyone (which, I might add, will probably just end up being spent foolishly on wine, women, and song) and pay for it themselves.
Thank you all for reading and telling all your friends to read. Next time we will talk about how littering and polluting is actually good for Mother Earth.
*Figures have not been evaluated by an independent third party and are in no way to be considered a guarantee. Actual results may vary.
The first step is blocking the Gulf off from the rest of the ocean. This will be accomplished by a barricade that will run from the Southern tip of
Florida to Havana, Cuba and from there to Cancun, Mexico. We will then drain the Gulf dry. Yes, some sea life will have to be sacrificed in order to accomplish this, but most of the fish will simply be washed out with the water and will be introduced to a world they never knew existed, so no big deal. Once the Gulf is dry we simply have to wait for the oil to dry up which will seal the entire bottom, setting up the World's largest public pool. After this we simply refill the Gulf and start charging foreign tourists $5 a head for a day of swimming! I have done some preliminary figuring and this will generate over $950 billion in the first year alone (not including domestic tourists coming for a swim)*. As you can see this is a far better idea than shooting golf balls into the hole or letting Kevin Costner use some machine he put together in his basement. The only question left is: "You are talking about deficit spending, well how are you gonna pay to build this wall and drain the Gulf moron!" Simple: BP is going to take all those payouts they were going to give to everyone (which, I might add, will probably just end up being spent foolishly on wine, women, and song) and pay for it themselves.Thank you all for reading and telling all your friends to read. Next time we will talk about how littering and polluting is actually good for Mother Earth.
*Figures have not been evaluated by an independent third party and are in no way to be considered a guarantee. Actual results may vary.
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