Misspelling Online

     Eye cant stand it when people mispell ore use pour grammer when righting on the internet. If ewe are going two bee using the world wide webb as a platform two tell youre thoughts ewe at least kneed too have the come-on courtisy to make sure your using proper grammers and spellings sew the rest of us can reed it! The fact that sum peoples waist my tyme with there non-cents hear on the interenet and dont even have the indecency to run a simple spell Czech really defends me!1! This is knot going two be a long post, butt eye just want to incourage all my reeders too save youreselves the embarassment and humbliation as well as dewing teh rest of U.S. a favour and either do a spell Czech or; purrhaps have a fiend chec youre work. If ewe cant not take the time to dew ether of these thangs ewe probabably dont kneed to bee righting on the interknet at awl. As alwaies think ewe four youre time and have a pesant evening!11

Thanksgiving-What about those leftovers?

One of the biggest holiday problems facing this country today is what to do about the over 400 trillion pounds of leftover food that will be generated by the Thanksgiving holiday. Sadly, more that 98% will eventually find it's way to a waste receptacle and, although generally I support wasting of any kind, I find this to be unacceptable. After doing some extensive research I have come up with some quick and easy recipes to use this leftover food without having to eat the same thing over and over again until Christmas.

Holiday Sandwich:
    
     This twist on a classic (the leftover turkey between 2 slices of bread) takes sandwich eating to a new level. You start with a slice of bread, add the turkey, then pile on the rest of your Thanksgiving leftover including (but not limited to) mashed potatoes, corn, green beans, dinner rolls, cranberry sauce, and even pumpkin pie. Afterward simply place another slice of bread on top, add a nice garnish, and enjoy! You can change things up even further by adding gravy, whipped cream, or both over the top.

Post-Thanksgiving Salad:

     This recipe goes against my normal stance on salad eating (which is to not do so) but I feel like some will enjoy this "healthy" twist on Thanksgiving leftovers so I have included it. As with the Holiday sandwich you take a sample from all your leftover choices (including dessert) and throw them in a bowl. Mix together with a couple of lettuce leaves, add some croutons, and you have yourself a fresh new way to utilize that food. If you are a "health savvy" individual you can feel good about this healthy choice.

Leftover Shake:

     Many people who take advantage of Black Friday deals or that work in retail and have to work on Black Friday will appreciate this convenient, on the go alternative to the traditional leftover plate. As with the other mentioned ideas you take all your Thanksgiving leftover choices and throw them in a blender. After blending on the puree setting for 48-67 seconds (or until desired consistency) pour into a cup and off you go! Unlike the other dish ideas you may want to include your favorite drink in the mix as well, covering all your on the go needs.

     There are many other recipes, but these are just a few I have not seen get a lot of media attention. If you have an idea you would like to share with the audience please leave a comment. Thank you as always and have a Merry Thanksgiving!

No Shave November

     No Shave November (or Movember as some call it) is the annual tradition of men (well...mostly men) growing out their facial hair for the entire month of November. There is much speculation as to the origin of Movember with some claiming it is to raise prostate cancer awareness while others believe it is a continuation of baseball's "playoff beard" and everything in between. The truth of this World-renowned tradition, however, is far more anti-climatic. Let's take a look at the rock-solid facts (which, as always, are above reproach) I have unearthed:
     Back in the 1980s there was a man from a small Midwestern town who worked hard to provide for his family at a blue-collar factory job. For many years when the month of November came around he would start working as much overtime as he could at the factory in order to provide an extravagant Christmas for his wife and children. He would do this in November every year due to the fact that back then Christmas almost always came in December, which was the following month. Every year as he got deeper and deeper into November this man would grow exceedingly tired due to his 12-18 hour shifts in addition to his normal comings and goings to the point it was becoming too much to handle, so he sat down in the den one evening to try and figure out how to alleviate some of his daily responsibilities. Amongst other cut-backs (no pun intended) he decided to stop his daily shaving, which freed up an extra 12 minutes every morning he could re-allocate to sleeping. Now, at this particular factory it was a requirement that one kept one's face clean shaven, so in order to deal with the 'suits' giving him flack over his new beard and mustache he came up with a explanation that would change the course of history. When approached by his supervisor and questioned about his unkempt appearance he simply replied: "It's called No Shave November, all the most advanced European factories are doing it!" Upon hearing this baffling response the supervisor demanded to know the meaning of 'No Shave November' to which the man said: "I don't know why, but if we're going to have a prayer of competing at a global level we need to adopt this policy."
     Needless to say the supervisor reported this to his superintendent, the superintendent reported it to his superior officer, who in turn reported it to the senior junior executive in charge of superintendents, and on up the ladder to the CEO of the company. At the time there was no Internet to check fabricated stories such as this one and that, coupled with paranoia of a European industrial takeover, forced the hand of the CEO to make No Shave November standard procedure in all of this company's factories nationwide. Somewhere over the years someone threw in a bunch of poppycock about prostate cancer and slothful college students also joined in the fun, but in all reality Movember was just a way to get an extra 12 minutes of sleep.
     I hope you have found this helpful and please share it with everyone you know via Facebook, telegraph, or simply word of mouth. Thank you and goodnight!

Chronic Chronicism

     I must start out by apologizing to all of you for the delay in posting, but to be perfectly honest the following subject is very personal to me, so I needed the additional time to prepare for writing it. It is very personal due to the fact that millions of followers of this blog suffer from the condition we will discuss tonight, and even some people who are very close to me. Be that as it may I was finally convicted enough to break the silence about a disorder we call chronic chronicism.
     Chronic chronicism is a medical condition in which the affected individual frequently has some sort of aliment with vague side effects that inhibit their lives. These side effects can vary widely from one person to the next and someone can have different symptoms with each flare-up. Often times when someone is having a flare-up they describe feeling "blah". Feeling "blah" is one of the few symptoms that many victims of chronic chronicism have in common, and can best be described as a feeling of sub-par health without the ability to point to anything specific bothering them. Here is an example:

Person A: "Do you want to go to the moving picture show this evening?"

Person B: "Not this evening, I'm feeling kind of 'blah'."

Person A: "Oh my, what seems to be your aliment? Is it your stomach?"

Person B: "No, it is not my stomach, I just feel...'blah'."
   
     Chronic chronicism is often times triggered by a sudden wave of added stress to one's life. This added stress normally comes in the form of some kind of responsibility being delegated to that individual, such as asking them to go to work, school, doing chores, or helping with children. Here is an example:

Parent: "Son, would you please clean up your room and then remove the waste from the kitchen waste

receptacle?"

Child (who obviously has chronic chronicism): "But Mom, I don't feel good!"

Parent: "But you were feeling fine just moments ago while engaging in that latest video cartridge."

Child: "I know, but now I don't feel good! Leave me alone!"
    
     Do you see what happened there? This child was feeling fine until the parent placed an unnecessarily large amount of stress on him all at once in the form of chores, triggering the chronic chronicism flare-up. Although this is quite common with children and adolescence it also affects adults. Everyone knows someone who calls into work frequently causing irritation and often added responsibility (i.e. being forced to do the work they would do if they had come to work), but before you just assume they are lazy please consider they may be suffering from chronic chronicism.
     The biggest problem with chronic chronicism is that it cannot be diagnosed. In fact, there are some in the medical field that believe, along with migraines and fibrormyalgia, it is not a real disorder at all. However, anyone who suffers or knows someone who suffers from chronic chronicism knows the pain is all too real. It makes me sad that just because someone has no facts or evidence to back up their claims of constantly not feeling well and therefore dodging daily responsibilities someone else would assume they are making it up. If you know someone that displays these symptoms please be patient with them instead of lashing out in anger, because it may not be there fault. Support chronic chronicism awareness and together we can find a cure. Thank you and goodnight!

The Twilight Saga

    
     With the new Twilight movie coming out many of you have been asking me to sound off my thoughts on the book and movie series. I have some sad news, though, I vow right here before you all to never dedicate one word to this series, much less an entire post. I have never read the book as I don't really have much faith in reading but I have had the displeasure of seeing the first film as well as the second, and as a student of theatre I can tell you it made me physically ill. Therefore I cannot, in good conscious, dedicate my life's work (this blog) to glorifying that filth. It was so bad that I cannot even bring myself to write about how bad it was. From undeveloped characters, to weak storyline, to blatant male sex appeal at it's worst this movie embodies everything that has come to represent distasteful film. Not to mention the undeniably close tie the film series has with the television network MTV (which is another subject for another day entirely). Anyway, that being said I can guarantee you will never see Twilight mentioned on this blog, not even to to be cast in a bad light. After all you don't need me to go on and on and on and on and on and on about how bad the film series is to know bad it is.
     I don't understand how so many women think that Edward is attractive on any level, speaking of not talking about Twilight. He is looks sickly with his lankiness, downcast face, and extremely pale skin, plus he is very rude to Bella when they first meet. Where is the attraction there? This love story is a tribute to the many women who have a problem with inferiority complexes and therefore date abusive men or prison inmates, and the fact that this series glorifies such a lifestyle is appalling. I don't understand the appeal of Bella, for that matter. She appears to be addicted to drugs throughout the movie, in my opinion.
     Anyway, I must apologize to you, the audience, because although I strive to give you all what you ask for I simply cannot meet this demand. I will not compromise my feelings about this film or my integrity by blogging about it. You will never see mention of Twilight, Edward, Jacob, Bella, vampires, werewolves, or anything else related to this book/film series across these pages. If you feel like this stance is too rigid and your loyalty lies with Twilight it would be better for both of us if you promptly excused yourself. Thank you for understanding and good day.