No Shave November

     No Shave November (or Movember as some call it) is the annual tradition of men (well...mostly men) growing out their facial hair for the entire month of November. There is much speculation as to the origin of Movember with some claiming it is to raise prostate cancer awareness while others believe it is a continuation of baseball's "playoff beard" and everything in between. The truth of this World-renowned tradition, however, is far more anti-climatic. Let's take a look at the rock-solid facts (which, as always, are above reproach) I have unearthed:
     Back in the 1980s there was a man from a small Midwestern town who worked hard to provide for his family at a blue-collar factory job. For many years when the month of November came around he would start working as much overtime as he could at the factory in order to provide an extravagant Christmas for his wife and children. He would do this in November every year due to the fact that back then Christmas almost always came in December, which was the following month. Every year as he got deeper and deeper into November this man would grow exceedingly tired due to his 12-18 hour shifts in addition to his normal comings and goings to the point it was becoming too much to handle, so he sat down in the den one evening to try and figure out how to alleviate some of his daily responsibilities. Amongst other cut-backs (no pun intended) he decided to stop his daily shaving, which freed up an extra 12 minutes every morning he could re-allocate to sleeping. Now, at this particular factory it was a requirement that one kept one's face clean shaven, so in order to deal with the 'suits' giving him flack over his new beard and mustache he came up with a explanation that would change the course of history. When approached by his supervisor and questioned about his unkempt appearance he simply replied: "It's called No Shave November, all the most advanced European factories are doing it!" Upon hearing this baffling response the supervisor demanded to know the meaning of 'No Shave November' to which the man said: "I don't know why, but if we're going to have a prayer of competing at a global level we need to adopt this policy."
     Needless to say the supervisor reported this to his superintendent, the superintendent reported it to his superior officer, who in turn reported it to the senior junior executive in charge of superintendents, and on up the ladder to the CEO of the company. At the time there was no Internet to check fabricated stories such as this one and that, coupled with paranoia of a European industrial takeover, forced the hand of the CEO to make No Shave November standard procedure in all of this company's factories nationwide. Somewhere over the years someone threw in a bunch of poppycock about prostate cancer and slothful college students also joined in the fun, but in all reality Movember was just a way to get an extra 12 minutes of sleep.
     I hope you have found this helpful and please share it with everyone you know via Facebook, telegraph, or simply word of mouth. Thank you and goodnight!