Man Colds

     There has been a furious debate going back and forth since the fall of man. An argument that has become a wedge between husband and wife more so than almost any other marital experience. A problem that tears millions of families apart every year. I am talking, of course, about the man of the house falling ill or, as some headstrong and prideful women put it, the "man cold'.

What is a "Man Cold"?

     Typically when a man is sick no one but the man and God know about it. The man conceals his ailment because he knows he does not have the luxury of a day off, well with the bills that need to be paid, automotive upkeep, fixing things around the house for his wife's benefit, and helping his wife with the children and household chores*. When he is sick enough to take a day off he is only doing so because he knows that if he takes another step he will surely die. Yes, much the same as a mighty work horse the man will not allow himself rest until he has literally been pushed to his death bed. Even then, in an act of complete selflessness, the man will rest only because he knows that if he dies his wife will be left without his steadfast love and financial support, and it kills him inside to be lying around instead of serving his wife in some capacity or another. The act of resting itself is an act of servitude for his wife.

Misconceptions:

     Most women do not realize the above truth because their husbands don't tell them, and they don't tell them because they don't want them to worry about them (again, totally selfless). The man will usually keep it vague, saying something like "It's no big deal I just need to lay down for a day or two" when he should probably be rushed to the hospital. This causes a problem, however, because then women do not take the man's sickness seriously, and proceed to mock him on Facebook or make fun of him while at the market. Women must understand that if a man is in bed as opposed to working diligently it's because it is physically impossible for him to move, not because he is a "cry baby". You also need to know that while in this state the man's mental process is greatly distorted, so he may say things he would never say under normal circumstances. Just remember that it's the sickness talking.

Solution:

     Information and understanding are the solutions to this problem. Men and women must have an open and honest dialogue about the man's illness. This dialogue must be free of the woman's judgements and pre-conceived notions about what may or may not be bothering her husband. Men, if you want your wife to understand the serious nature of your illness you must disclose it to her. I understand that it's hard as a man to do something that seems so selfish, but in reality you are putting your family first by telling her how much it really hurts. And finally, women should never make fun of their husbands, sons, brothers, fathers, male friends, or any other men in their lives when they are sick. Thank you for your time and understanding!

*Ironic isn't it that the wife was made as a helper to the husband, yet they are constantly asking for the man's help with everything.

Film Review Revisited-Super Size Me

     I know it has been several years since this film came out, and I still have not seen it (nor do I plan to) but I was thinking about the premise of this film and the impact it has had on American culture since its release. After contemplating this all night at work I have decided to write the first installment of a (hopefully) great line of vintage film reviews starting today with the documentary phenomenon "Super Size Me".

Synopsis

     "Super Size Me" is a documentary film by New York film maker and local idiot Morgan Spurlock in which he eats nothing but McDonald's food for 30 days in hopes of ultimately having heart failure and dying in order to see the fast food industry collapse and achieve immortality as the savior of the youth of modern America. As the film progresses Spurlock sees the expected negative side effects of his diet in the form of weight gain, low energy, low self esteem, and becoming unattractive to his then-girlfriend, Alexandra, but fails to die in the end as well as enact any social change, with the two goals remaining unfulfilled to this day.

Why?

     The most prevalent question surrounding this movie is simple: Why do we need an entire film to tell us eating nothing but McDonald's is bad for you? To tell us eating McDonald's all the time will make us be fatter and have high blood pressure? It made me sad when this film came out and created such a buzz because of the fact that so many people acted like they did not realize McDonald's is not the most healthy choice of food and should not be considered for one's exclusive dietary needs. It's like those people that sue tobacco companies because they didn't realize on their own that breathing smoke in and out of your lungs all day every day for years is NOT healthy and no one told them. Ridiculous! If a person is not smart enough to realize that eating only fast food is detrimental to one's health they are probably not going to live very long anyway. There are also several other factors surrounding this film and/or its aftermath that disturb me such as:

-Alexandra is a vegan chef and wrote a book about Spurlock's recovery called "The Great American Detox Diet', then married and divorced him.

-Suprlock supposedly gained 24.5 pounds during the "experiment", but it is never revealed if this gain is fat or muscle.

-Spurlock claims that there were negative psychological effects as a result of the "experiment", but he was obviously menially unhinged before the "experiment", which lead to the idea of the "experiment".

-Morgan Spurlock's middle name is Valentine.

-The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences lost any and all credibility upon nominating this documentary for an Academy Award. Roger Ebert and Richard Roeper also lost their credibility as film critics when they gave the film "two thumbs up".

Conclusion:

     In conclusion this film is absurd.

     Again, I realize there is probably much more to discuss about this film but due to me not actually seeing it and instead gathering all information about the film from Wikipedia and trailers of the movie I am limited to the above mentioned criticisms. Therefore I will bid you all a good morning and please remember to eat something other than fast food at least once every thirty days. Thanks!

Valentine's Day

    

     I was in the midst of peaceful slumber when I had a terrible nightmare. Normally bad dreams don't phase me, but this one was particularly disturbing because it could actually come true. In this particular dream it was Valentine's Day, the absolute worst American holiday...that's it.

     Just beating out Earth Day, St. Valentine's Day is the biggest joke of a holiday in the history of known man. Designed by card makers and struggling flower salesmen of the early 19th century as a farce to boost sales toward the end of what was traditionally their fiscal year, this sham of a holiday has evolved to spread misery to every corner of society, from the happily married young couple to the lonely old widow. You may also be interested to know that Valentine's Day was created only after the above mentioned business cooperative's first holiday, Lust Day (which was to take place on January 23rd), failed to take off with the majority of people. This may sound like a rant but there are statistics to prove what may seem like merely one man's opinion. Let's take a look:

Divorce Rate
    
     The number of divorce filings nearly triples on February 15 (traditionally the day after Valentine's Day is observed) when compared to any other day of the year. The reason most commonly given, as you might guess, is irreconcilable differences, but when surveyed by an independent third party most people reveal that the real reason is disappointment in their Valentine's Day gifts or activities. This is usually because one of two reasons: 1. When a young man is trying to win a young woman's affections he often goes "all out" for Valentine's Day. This is a nice gesture, however this often sets the young man up for inevitable failure later on in life because he has set the bar so high that it can never again be reached (with children and other facets of life putting a stranglehold on finances and prep time, a problem the young man never had to consider in the days of his courtship). 2. When women chit-chat with their girlfriends about what their husbands are doing for Valentine's Day they often over-indulge or even blatantly lie about the evening's activities. This is the female version of the "one up" and often results in every woman going home furious because of what the other women are getting for Valentine's Day while they had to lie about it to save face. The Valentine's related divorce rate has become such a problem that beginning February 15 and going until the end of the month most states offer a "Speedy Valentine's Day Related Divorce" in order to prevent the courts from getting too backed up. Many attorneys also offer divorce discounts in late February to try and snatch up the easy business.

Other Statistics

     I'm not going to get into more detail about the dangers and moral failures of Valentine's Day due to the family-friendly nature of this blog so here is just some brief statistics that are related (directly or indirectly) to this awful holiday:

-February 15th holds the highest rate for "shotgun wedding" announcements.

-February 15th has simultaneously been the #1 day of Facebook account holders changing their relationship status from "single" to "in a relationship", "in a relationship" to "single", and from either to "it's complicated" every single year since it's inception.

-The highest single day birth rate is...you guessed it...November 14th almost every year.

-72% of all house fires are reported on February 14th.

-The adoption rate of puppies goes up 56% on February 13th while the rate of puppies checked into shelters goes up 54% on February 21st.

-The federal government's fiscal year end was changed from October 31st (so people could get their tax returns by Christmas) to December 31st (so people could get their tax returns after Christmas but before Valentine's Day) in the early 1900's as a result of extensive pushing by greeting card, chocolate, and florist lobbyists.

-53% of all credit card debt is acquired on February 13th, and of that 96% is spent in the flower, chocolate,
and greeting card sectors.

     I hope you will all join me in boycotting Valentine's Day beginning this year. Please avoid spending money on anything that contains hearts, pink, love, and especially Cupid. Additionally, do not go out to eat that night, do not book any massages, do not get any hotel rooms (even if you are actually traveling, just sleep in your car or on a park bench), and do not hire a baby sitter. Together we can destroy this ridiculous so-called "holiday" and save this world. Thank you!

Note: Upon my own previewing of this blog post the stat counter showed 666 views. Coincidence? I think not.

Election 2012-Meet the Candidates

     Election season is upon us once again, so before the rigmarole of commercials and attacks gets into full swing I thought it would benefit the audience to do a brief introduction to each candidate. I advise that you ignore all political ads and debates this season and base your election decision solely on this article (and possible future installments) because of it's in-depth, yet easy to understand analysis and neutral stance on each candidate.

Mitt Romney

     Mitt Romney is a businessman and politician who unsuccessfully ran for president in 2008 where he was defeated in the Republican primary by John McCain. Romney is best known for being simultaneously opposed to and supportive of almost any stance on virtually all issues. This paradox has been the greatest strength and weakness of hopeful as he is considered the front runner for the GOP nod while also being the most hated man on the ticket. In order to win the nomination Romney must be able to get more delegates than the other contenders this election season.

Ron Paul

     Ron Paul is everyone's favorite always outrageous Libertarian candidate who hopes to take his outside-the-box views and ideas all the way to the White House. While Paul's base appears to be outnumbered by some of his opponents he actually carries a noteworthy amount of the independent vote. Paul's greatest strength in the election is the "just crazy enough to work" mentality, appealing to the masses who are tired of "business as usual" politics in Washington. In order to have a chance of facing Obama in November Ron Paul needs to get his base out to the poles during the primaries, while at the same time getting other candidate's bases to vote for him as well.

Rick Santorum

     Rick Santorum was virtually unknown before throwing in his hat for the Presidency, and is now best known for people not knowing who he is. In fact, some believe Rick Santorum is not a real person at all but is actually an idea created to fill what some would call a void of true Conservatives on the Republican ticket. That is the only information that could be found on Mr. Santorum. In order to win the election Santorum needs to convince the voters that he does in fact exist, and that they should vote for him.



Newt Gingrich

     Newt Gingrich is what many would call the "establishment" Republican running on this year's ticket. Gingrich has been in politics almost all of his life, beginning in Kindergarten when he successfully ran for class president. Gingrich's greatest strength lies in the striking similarity he shares with Dwight Schrute, a character from the U.S. version of the television show The Office as seen in the picture below.

     The undeniable likeness to this quirky, yet lovable character could be his greatest strength as it may cause voters to associate their love of Dwight Schrute with Gingrich, or could prove to be a disadvantage as it may render the electorate unable to take him seriously. Whatever the case Newt's fate will be tied to the amount of votes he receives, therefore he needs to get as many as possible.

Barack Obama 

     If you are not familiar with Barack Obama you are probably using a computer for the very first time. Congratulations! Be that as it may, Barack Obama is the current President of the United States, and is running for re-election in 2012. Since taking office Obama has taken Washington by storm, with the following list highlighting some of his accomplishments:

1.

     Whether you love him or hate him Obama's key to victory lies in in ability to repeat his performance of 2008's election where he received more electoral college votes than his opponents. It is also worth noting that Obama's win in 2008 was historical in the fact that he was the first ever man to become the 44th President of the United States.

     I hope this helps in your decision making process when it comes to who will be the victor this coming November. Please stay tuned, as we at A Mind On Display just may formally endorse a candidate in the coming months. Thank you and have a blessed day!

For parents thinking of decorating their kid's room with owls...

     Lately America has taken a renewed interest in owls as a decorating theme, primarily in children's rooms. On the surface owls appear to be adorable creatures, with their large eyes, small beaks, cute little ears (with bows for females), and cartoon-like features. They can also be easily altered and applied to almost anything you need to complete your theme (such as pillows, blankets, attire, or even cakes as pictured above) seemingly making them the perfect choice for your little ones. While I'm sure most parents have nothing but good intentions when choosing this as their children's room or party theme the truth is that while adults see owls as pictured above, to children owls come across more like this:

     That's right, in reality owls are one of the most deadly and horrific creatures in all of God's creation. Born and raised to be a bloodthirsty killer the owl lives solely to murder. Some scientists suggest that owls will continue to kill throughout the night even after they are no longer hungry while other studies have concluded that the owl actually gets pleasure from murder through a release of endorphins upon spilling the victim's blood. One fun fact that has recently made headlines in the conservation world is that owls actually think of creative and different ways to slaughter their prey while attempting to maximize the pain inflicted on their victim. With all this reality in your face it makes the owl seem a little less cute, but wait...there's more.
     Owls are not only known for their cold-blooded murder, but are also synonymous with stalking. While prowling at night the owl will often stalk it's prey, staying just close enough to be menacing but barely out of reach. Their "hooting" is also a form of psychological torture they use on the creature they are stalking and intend to murder. If an owl sets it's eye on a beast too large for it to overtake (such as a buffalo) it will sometimes stalk for several days or even weeks, constantly "hooting" at it while taking opportunities to swoop down and claw, gouge, or bite the creature. The intention is to so severely torture the animal that it can no longer withstand the pain and eventually runs itself off a cliff. Afterward, instead of eating the beast the owl will simply stand over the corpse and, for several hours, let out a noise that has been described as an eerie laugh. Pretty twisted in this bloggers opinion.
     In the past 12 months the amount of decor sold that is owl-themed has risen 38.045% while the number of night terrors reported in children has gone up 38.038% in the same time span and with these revelations about the true nature of owls it's no surprise. I also think it's worth mentioning that in many Eastern religions the owl represents pure evil. I'm not trying to tell you that you are evil or wrong if you choose to use owls as the theme of your child's room, but if you do I would advise setting up a trust fund for a therapist instead of college. Thanks and please re-post this on your own Facebook wall! Good day to you all!

Why are they famous? Kate Gosselin

     Earlier today as I was catching up on the latest headlines I saw an article pertaining to Kate Gosselin. I almost clicked on the news story, but suddenly I realized something: I do not care. Kate Gosselin was thrust into national super stardom in 2005 because of her extraordinary amount of children (twins followed by sextuplets) and has since remained in the spotlight. But why? Although I think spending time addressing this woman is wasted time indeed, I have always been perplexed by America's fascination with her, therefore I am compelled to find out exactly what makes her qualified to be a celebrity.

Many, many children:

     Kate's fame and financial successes can be directly attributed to her brood of children. No one can argue that Kate Gosselin would not be a household name aside from them. Now, however, Kate has been eclipsed by the infinitely more irresponsible Duggar family who boasts 19 kids (and counting), therefore the luster and intrigue of her (small by comparison) family is simply non-existent. No one can dispute that 19 is more than 8, and whether or not you agree with this totally out of control and ridiculous amount child-bearing, the fact remains that in today's America 8 children is simply not celebrity material. To be honest I am greatly shocked and surprisingly proud of Kate for not trying to get pregnant again in order to attempt to maintain her throne of celebrity child-rearing.

Crazy Spoiled brat:

     Ever since Jon & Kate Plus 8 took to the air Kate has presented herself as a woman who knows what she wants and is strong enough to take it (from her feeble husband at the time, since then from all of America). Translated this means she is a spoiled brat who just yells a lot until she gets what she desires. She also appears at times to posses inferior intelligence and is possibly mentally unstable. As embarrassing as it may be, these are normally celebrity-worthy traits, but Kate again is overshadowed by so many others who have been doing it longer and better. Brittney Spears, Paris Hilton, and all of the Kardashians are just a handful of names that instantly come to mind when thinking of famous brats, morons, and psyhcos. Again, Kate is a second-tier crazy celebrity at best, living always in the shadow of those who have greatly out yelled, out screamed, and generally out done her in every category.

     Now that I have studied and written it out I am convinced more than ever that Kate Gosselin is not worthy of any media attention and therefore will be getting no more of mine. I realize that, ironically enough,  upon publication of this very story #KateGosselin will no doubt be instantly trending worldwide on Twitter, but after that dies in the next month or so I hope you all will devote your celebrity worship to someone who has earned it a little more. Thanks for your time and have a blessed weekend.

Tips to Avoid Facebook Abuse

     In the new digital world Facebook seems to be the hub of everything and everyone. In fact, many of you were probably directed to this very blog through Facebook by myself or a very considerate friend. Some people, however, have taken the privilege of Facebook and turned it into a burden to others with their continual digital faux pas. Here are some simple rules to follow when taking advantage of Facebook (or any other social media). *Note-This is NOT directed at a specific individual but is based on extensive research so please do not humiliate yourself by trying to call me out or get mad at me about it if you happen to be a violator of the forthcoming suggestions.

1. TMI

     One of the most overused and abused aspects of Facebook is the status update. This tool is to let your friends know what's going on with you, but is not meant to divulge your deepest darkest secrets or what is happening to you minute by minute. And please...no one ever wants to know about any aspect of your (or anyone else's) sex life. Don't get me wrong, if you need to share something as a prayer request or perhaps because people really need to know about it that's great, but most of the time matters pertaining to health (physical or emotional) or finances probably would be better left to face-to-face conversation with people you are actually close to.

2. Roller coaster

     One thing I can't stand and I have heard others complain about is the "roller coaster" Facebook poster. This is when an individual takes their emotional instability and converts it to digital format through Facebooking about it. Here is an example of a day in the life of a "roller coaster" Facebook status updater.

7:06 am-Just woke up happy as a clam!
7:28 am-Out of cereal, why did I even get out of bed.
8:15 am-I just passed by a cute member of the opposite sex. Great day!
8:58 am-Pulled in the parking lot and had to park 3 rows back. Wish I was in a coma.
9:30 am-Hazelnut coffee is back in the machine! I'm in love!
10:23 am-I'm heartbroken :'( My boy or girlfriend of 3 days dumped me.

     Anyway, you get the point and I'm annoying myself just typing this so I will not finish the rest of the day. Again, there is a time and a place for posting about emotions and I am not saying you should never let the world know how you are feeling (I certainly have), but please don't overwhelm us with overdoing it.

Negative Nancy

     Unfortunately most of the people who need to see this one have been defriended by me so that probably won't happen, but nonetheless, please refrain from bogging down the information feed with constant complaining. I realize there are plenty of things to get upset about but when you post every situation that bothers you hour by hour it just makes people want to hurt you. Again, don't take offence to this if you complain on Facebook sometimes (after all, some would consider this post complaining) but please use discretion when complaining. No one wants to hear about how homicidal you are because you got a Diet Coke from the machine when you clearly pushed the Coke button.

     If you know someone who needs a lesson in Facebook manners please direct them here in a subtle manner to avoid offending them. A good tactic is to blame-shift such as "Hey, check out this blog so-and-so really needs to read it!" when all the while they are the person that needs the education. This will help you avoid a potentially uncomfortable situation while still exposing them to this useful information! Thanks for your time and have a blessed evening.

Why Christians should not celebrate Christmas.

     Just kidding! I love Christmas and I think Christians celebrating Christmas should be celebrated! Have a merry, Christ centered, and Christ honoring CHRISTmas and God bless!

P.S. Don't forget to check out the other posts on the blog about Christmas related topics such as the holidiet, gift bags, Christmas songs, and Christmas gifts. Also, if you were thinking of getting me a Christmas gift please give the gift of informing someone who may not know about this blog. It is, after all, the gift that keeps on giving.

The Holidiet

     As I worked diligently through the night I couldn't stop thinking of this holiday season and the unnecessary stress that we put ourselves through when we should be taking time to enjoy it. In addition to worrying about gift buying and giving, cooking, and in-laws staying at your home we tend to also stress over the additional pounds that may be gained as a result of all the stress and eating. I am usually opposed to dieting of any sort, however I have discovered a revolutionary new dieting concept that will help you eat better and feel good about it, all the while enjoying all of your favorite Christmas treats. It's called the holidiet.
     The holidiet is a diet plan that revolves around a few traditional American holidays, and promotes healthy eating all year round. Since Christmas is just a few days away we will go through a typical holidiet year starting now. The first step is to determine how many calories you typically take in on any given day. To keep things simple we will go with a 2000 calorie diet. When the Christmas weekend starts this Friday you need to up your calorie intake to about 2-3 times the norm (again, for the example we will say 4000-6000 calories) every day until Monday. On Tuesday you will resume your normal eating regiment until the next holidiet weekend, which is New Year's Day. So, next weekend you will again up your calorie intake to holidiet level until the end of the extended weekend. This will make your body's metabolism think you are dieting through the week between the 2 holidays, due to the drastic calorie decrease, causing you to lose weight while eating the same things you have always eaten. You follow this model all throughout the year, eating your normal calorie level through the whole year except on specified holidiet holidays, strategically placed to continually fool your body into believing you are on a diet. Then just sit back, enjoy eating like a king (or queen for the ladies), and watch the pounds melt away! This is a 2-fold advantage because, in addition to losing weight while eating whatever you want, it will also alleviate the stress of having to watch what you eat on any major holiday. Here are the holidiet holidays (some holidays are blocked together):

1. Christmas, Christmas Eve, The Eve of Christmas Eve, and 2 days after Christmas (to take care of leftovers).

2. New Years Eve and Day

3. Black History Month (February)

4. St. Patrick's Day

5. Spring Break (7 days minimum at your discretion but can be up to the entire month of May)

6. The Summer (June-August)

7. Halloween and following week (to take care of extra candy)

8. Thanksgiving Weekend

9. Your birthday week (this is a "floating" holidiet week)

     This is a list of the absolute must holidiet days, but the list can be expanded to accommodate your specific needs (for example, our Jewish friends can also include Hanukkah). During the above mentioned holidiet days you must eat a minimum of 2 times the calories you normally would. This can come in the form of simply eating more than normal, eating items with far more calories, or a combination of both. The weight will start to fall off during the rest of year when your "dieting" on your regular calorie intake. I hope this helps with your weight loss goals as well as stress, please tell someone who may be in need. Thanks and God bless!

*Please consult a doctor before beginning any diet. If your doctor advises against the holidiet please ignore the advice and participate anyway. Justin Cunningham and the staff at A Mind On Display are not responsible for any negative side effects caused by participation in the holidiet, however, should be given full and exclusive credit for any and all positive outcomes.

Holiday Gift Bags-America's Disgrace

     When I was a child I would wake up at the crack of dawn on Christmas morning to find a tree that had several gifts wrapped in traditional wrapping paper beneath it. My sister and I would wait anxiously for my parents to drag themselves out of bed before we could begin the unwrapping process. As we sat there waiting, our minds would wander trying to divulge the contents of each package. We would shake them, weigh them, measure them, and even smell them to try and determine what lie within. As I reflect upon what was I now know that all that anticipation was a part of the joy and wonder of Christmas morning, and it was all made possible because of wrapping paper.
     Sadly, as with almost every other facet of American life, we have adopted a mentality of instant gratification and laziness when it comes to gift giving and receiving and the gift bag is the "poster child" of this. Let's find out what the problem is:

Sending the wrong message:

     When you give someone a gift in a gift bag (as opposed to it being wrapped traditionally) you are basically conveying a message that is as follows: "I had to give you a gift to save face, not because I actually like you, therefore I have put forth as little effort as possible in concealing the identity of the gift. I also want the bag back when you are finished so I can save it for the next person I do not care about. Thank you." Yes, this does sound harsh and is not the message I want to send my friends or family on Christmas. When you hand-wrap a gift in just the right paper that was carefully chosen and pick out a coordinating bow to finish off the decorating you are sending a message that is quite the opposite of the gift bag: "I care about you enough to take extra time, energy, brain power, and financial resources to make this gift worthy of you, the recipient. In fact, I love you."

Bad for the economy:

     It is estimated that gift bags have replaced as much as 73% of wrapped gifts here in America. This has resulted in the wrapping paper industry losing approximately 3 million jobs since the late 90's. While it is true that the gift bag industry has grown, it takes far less man power to make a bag (in addition to bag retention, which is a huge problem) creating only 25,000 in that sector, which obviously creates a huge job deficit in the gifting industry. So not only would replacing all your gift bags with wrapping paper improve your relationships, it could create a job for a loved one.

Instant gratification:

     I would like you to think about your childhood for a moment. Can you relate to the very personal story I shared earlier about mine, with the anticipation on Christmas morning and the magic of having to wait to open my gifts? I believe that experience helped mold and shape me as a man, instilling in me patience and an appreciation of the journey (that is the waiting) and not just the destination (the opening). Now imagine if my parents had been slothful and careless enough to place my gifts in gift bags. My sister and I would have had the temptation to prematurely open our presents before my parents awoke, which would have promoted a very different set of qualities in each of us such as an entitlement mentality and a total lack of patience and appreciation for what we received. I believe this ultimately would have led to our incarceration as well as a socially and morally unproductive lifestyle. This scenario makes me quake with fear for the next generation as the gift bag to wrapping paper ratio continues to get more and more unbalanced at an alarming rate.

Conclusion:

     While I understand some presents are so awkwardly shaped the gifter has no choice but to utilize a gift bag we must recognize that it would behoove us as parents, friends, spouses, and as a society to keep the gift bagging to a minimum. Also, when you receive a gift bag, please remember to discard it as opposed to keeping it and using it for someone else. That is just as distasteful as re-gifting. Thank you for your time and remember, if you are a gift bagger or know someone who is it's not too late to turn things around and make the future a better place. Good day!

Christmas Songs to Avoid, Part 2

    

     Due to an overwhelming outcry from the public I am adding a few Christmas songs to the list of those that your children should not be exposed to. I would like to thank the thousands of fans who wrote in or spoke to me in person about this subject. Here we go:

Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer:

     This classic Christmas song tells the story of Rudolph, a social reject who is mocked and ridiculed by his fellow reindeer because of his unusual appearance (namely his red nose). After a lifetime of heartbreak and rejection he is finally accepted by society when he leads Santa's sleigh through a foggy sky and saves Christmas. So what are we teaching our children with this? Well, we are saying that you should discriminate based solely on looks until the individual who is being discriminated against proves they are worthy of acceptance based on action. Yes, that's right, in the story not even Santa himself stands up for Rudolph until he has something he needs. His silence in this matter is his approval of the way the other reindeer treat Rudolph, and that is simply unacceptable. I would also like to point out the fact that it seems highly unlikely there has never been a foggy Christmas eve before Rudolph was born, which calls the validity of the entire story into question.

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town:
    
     This song is an old wives tale that is meant to keep children behaving throughout the year in hopes they will make it on Santa's "nice list". I, for one, think Santa would be infuriated at the fact that parents are using his name as a threat against Children ("You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout, I'm telling you why...Santa Claus is coming to town") Also, as a parent, I want my children to behave because it's the right thing to do, not because they expect a financial reward at the end of the year. Another thing I find disturbing is the fact that Santa "sees you when your sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good". This line makes it seem as if Santa has some sort of God-like omnipresence, which I find to be quite blasphemous.

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus:

     The name of this tune pretty much sums it up. A child wakes up in the middle of the night to find his childhood hero, none other than Santa Claus himself, kissing his mother underneath the mistletoe. Talk about dragging the name of Santa through the mud. Jolly ole' St. Nick is going around on Christmas eve kissing random married women? It's enough to make one physically ill. Now we know by the rest of the lyrics that this woman is in fact married, and the child even goes on to say he thinks it would be hilarious if his dad would have only seen this event. OK, this twisted child would be amused at his dad seeing his wife kissing another man, having his heart broken, and possibly snapping and brutally murdering Santa. This actually may be more disgusting than the previously mentioned "Baby, it's cold outside".

     Although all three of these songs call into question the nature of Santa Claus, I just want to point out that I am not anti-Santa. I think Santa Claus is great, which is why I (and my fans) found it imperative to bring these character assassination attempts to light and protect the name of Santa. Thank you again to the people who helped with contributions to the entry, you know who you are. And don't forget to tell all your friends!

After Albert Pujols-What the Cardinals must do now.

     As all Cardinal fans know by now Albert Pujols is leaving the Gateway City for somewhere around $3 billion a year to play for the Angels. As depressing as this must be for the Redbird Nation I think this gives the Cardinals a great opportunity to invest the money they would have spent on Pujols' salary on some other things that will all but ensure back-to-back World Series victories (and many more after). Here is my 2-fold plan:

1. Hire Frank Thomas Jr. to replace him

     Frank Thomas Jr. would be a great replacement for Pujols bringing to the team experience and power at the plate for a modest price. While some naysayers will point to the less than stellar ending to his career one must keep in mind that Thomas has had a few years to rest and re coupe from 18 years of playing, and we can expect the same results he brought to the White Sox in the 90's upon his return to baseball. I estimate the Cards could acquire Thomas for the league minimum (assuming he is desperate to return to baseball and misses is so much he would probably play for free if that was legal) freeing up millions of dollars for step 2 of the plan.

2. New training facilities

     When the Cardinals signed Matt Holliday I told a friend of mine I thought the $120 million they spent on him could have been better invested in new training facilities and it turns out I was right. The Cardinals now have the opportunity to correct this mistake by taking the Pujols money (less Frank Thomas' salary) and invest it in additional staff and training facilities. Under my plan each member of the team would have their own brand new fully staffed gym, indoor training facility including infield (full size field for outfielders), batting cages, massage parlor, sauna, day spa, and any other facilities I can't even think of right now or maybe don't even know about. This includes all coaches, office personal, and even bat boys. Yes, all of them would have their own personal staff and training complex. Some would say this is excessive, however, that is what it takes to win these days and all this would still be cheaper than trying to pay Pujols' desired salary. The Cardinals could purchase St. Louis Union Station (which is all but abandoned) and the Edward Jones Dome (also pretty much abandoned) for dirt cheap to house the new training facilities. These locations are both ideal because they are large and fairly close to Busch Stadium. After these buildings are purchased just make a few renovations and you have yourself the training complexes needed for the team. If every member of the squad has the staff and equipment along with individual attention this plan would afford we can be sure they will all perform at an optimum level individually, therefore making the team perform at it's peak.

     Thank you for your time and if you know someone who is depressed about this Albert Pujols situation please direct there attention here for comfort. Thank you and goodnight.


*The staff at A Mind On Display would like to thank Joshua Perry and Wikipedia for their contributions to this story.

Christmas Songs To Avoid

     I love Christmas time and the music that goes along with it, but there are some so-called "Christmas songs" out there that shake me to my core. Songs that no child should ever be subjected to listening to. Below is a list of the very worst of the litter:

We Wish You a Merry Christmas:

     This classic Christmas song starts out in a very nice fashion. "We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year" and "Good tidings to you and your kin" paint a lovely picture of carolers coming to a lonely woman's home to wish her a merry Christmas and a happy new year, as the song would imply. The real horror starts with the second verse when the carolers turn from a heartwarming group trying to spread Christmas cheer into an angry mob demanding a hand-out. The hostility continues and even advances in the third verse when the wording "We won't go until we get some, so bring it out here" implies the mob will savagely murder the home-owners unless their demands are met. I'm not telling you how to raise your kids, but I certainly don't think a song that promotes murder is appropriate for any child and most definitely does not convey the true meaning of Christmas.

Frosty The Snowman:

     This song is about a group of young children who are bored on a snowy winter day so they begin to dabble in witchcraft. As a result of this the children accidentally cast a spell on an "old silk hat they found" and, upon placing it atop a snowman, cause him to come to life. The children spend the next few days running amok through their small town behind their new leader Frosty the Snowman, at one point even refusing to stop at the request of a traffic cop. The story has a chilling ending as the demon-possessed snowman vows to come back again someday as he is melting (presumably to kidnap the children of the town and destroy what remains).
     A few additional points I would like to make about this carol are 1. There is no mention of the childrens' parents for the entire duration of their activities and 2. This song doesn't even mention Christmas, no not one time, so I do not understand how it is even considered a Christmas carol.

The Little Drummer Boy:

     This story in itself isn't bad as in it doesn't encourage black magic or murder, but the problem I have is the fact that it tries to convey the happenings of the little drummer boy as gospel, when the Bible makes no mention of such an event. Therefore we have no alternative but to consider this song total heresy and must keep our children away from it.


Baby It's Cold Outside:

     Even worse than Insane Clown Posse's "I Hate Santa" is the song "Baby It's Cold Outside", taking the trophy for worst Christmas song of all time. This morally bankrupt tale is basically a dialogue between an easily impressionable young lady and a man who is trying to get her intoxicated and have marital relations (although the lyrics make it clear they are not married). In fact the song makes it painfully obvious that she still lives with her parents ("mother will start to worry, father will be placing the floor") while he has his own house calling her age into question. In an act of total desperation the man in the song eventually threatens to kill the young lady and cover it up if she doesn't stay the evening with him ("think of my lifelong sorrow if you got pneumonia and died"). Seems like a pretty sick way to celebrate the birth of the savior of the entire world.

     That is the list of terrible Christmas songs. If your favorite song was on the list don't be discouraged, there are plenty of other Christmas carols that warm the heart and spread the joy of the season. I suggest you burn any vinyl records or cassette tapes of these tunes you may have and replace them with something more wholesome. Thanks as always and don't forget to tell at least three friends!

Misspelling Online

     Eye cant stand it when people mispell ore use pour grammer when righting on the internet. If ewe are going two bee using the world wide webb as a platform two tell youre thoughts ewe at least kneed too have the come-on courtisy to make sure your using proper grammers and spellings sew the rest of us can reed it! The fact that sum peoples waist my tyme with there non-cents hear on the interenet and dont even have the indecency to run a simple spell Czech really defends me!1! This is knot going two be a long post, butt eye just want to incourage all my reeders too save youreselves the embarassment and humbliation as well as dewing teh rest of U.S. a favour and either do a spell Czech or; purrhaps have a fiend chec youre work. If ewe cant not take the time to dew ether of these thangs ewe probabably dont kneed to bee righting on the interknet at awl. As alwaies think ewe four youre time and have a pesant evening!11

Thanksgiving-What about those leftovers?

One of the biggest holiday problems facing this country today is what to do about the over 400 trillion pounds of leftover food that will be generated by the Thanksgiving holiday. Sadly, more that 98% will eventually find it's way to a waste receptacle and, although generally I support wasting of any kind, I find this to be unacceptable. After doing some extensive research I have come up with some quick and easy recipes to use this leftover food without having to eat the same thing over and over again until Christmas.

Holiday Sandwich:
    
     This twist on a classic (the leftover turkey between 2 slices of bread) takes sandwich eating to a new level. You start with a slice of bread, add the turkey, then pile on the rest of your Thanksgiving leftover including (but not limited to) mashed potatoes, corn, green beans, dinner rolls, cranberry sauce, and even pumpkin pie. Afterward simply place another slice of bread on top, add a nice garnish, and enjoy! You can change things up even further by adding gravy, whipped cream, or both over the top.

Post-Thanksgiving Salad:

     This recipe goes against my normal stance on salad eating (which is to not do so) but I feel like some will enjoy this "healthy" twist on Thanksgiving leftovers so I have included it. As with the Holiday sandwich you take a sample from all your leftover choices (including dessert) and throw them in a bowl. Mix together with a couple of lettuce leaves, add some croutons, and you have yourself a fresh new way to utilize that food. If you are a "health savvy" individual you can feel good about this healthy choice.

Leftover Shake:

     Many people who take advantage of Black Friday deals or that work in retail and have to work on Black Friday will appreciate this convenient, on the go alternative to the traditional leftover plate. As with the other mentioned ideas you take all your Thanksgiving leftover choices and throw them in a blender. After blending on the puree setting for 48-67 seconds (or until desired consistency) pour into a cup and off you go! Unlike the other dish ideas you may want to include your favorite drink in the mix as well, covering all your on the go needs.

     There are many other recipes, but these are just a few I have not seen get a lot of media attention. If you have an idea you would like to share with the audience please leave a comment. Thank you as always and have a Merry Thanksgiving!

No Shave November

     No Shave November (or Movember as some call it) is the annual tradition of men (well...mostly men) growing out their facial hair for the entire month of November. There is much speculation as to the origin of Movember with some claiming it is to raise prostate cancer awareness while others believe it is a continuation of baseball's "playoff beard" and everything in between. The truth of this World-renowned tradition, however, is far more anti-climatic. Let's take a look at the rock-solid facts (which, as always, are above reproach) I have unearthed:
     Back in the 1980s there was a man from a small Midwestern town who worked hard to provide for his family at a blue-collar factory job. For many years when the month of November came around he would start working as much overtime as he could at the factory in order to provide an extravagant Christmas for his wife and children. He would do this in November every year due to the fact that back then Christmas almost always came in December, which was the following month. Every year as he got deeper and deeper into November this man would grow exceedingly tired due to his 12-18 hour shifts in addition to his normal comings and goings to the point it was becoming too much to handle, so he sat down in the den one evening to try and figure out how to alleviate some of his daily responsibilities. Amongst other cut-backs (no pun intended) he decided to stop his daily shaving, which freed up an extra 12 minutes every morning he could re-allocate to sleeping. Now, at this particular factory it was a requirement that one kept one's face clean shaven, so in order to deal with the 'suits' giving him flack over his new beard and mustache he came up with a explanation that would change the course of history. When approached by his supervisor and questioned about his unkempt appearance he simply replied: "It's called No Shave November, all the most advanced European factories are doing it!" Upon hearing this baffling response the supervisor demanded to know the meaning of 'No Shave November' to which the man said: "I don't know why, but if we're going to have a prayer of competing at a global level we need to adopt this policy."
     Needless to say the supervisor reported this to his superintendent, the superintendent reported it to his superior officer, who in turn reported it to the senior junior executive in charge of superintendents, and on up the ladder to the CEO of the company. At the time there was no Internet to check fabricated stories such as this one and that, coupled with paranoia of a European industrial takeover, forced the hand of the CEO to make No Shave November standard procedure in all of this company's factories nationwide. Somewhere over the years someone threw in a bunch of poppycock about prostate cancer and slothful college students also joined in the fun, but in all reality Movember was just a way to get an extra 12 minutes of sleep.
     I hope you have found this helpful and please share it with everyone you know via Facebook, telegraph, or simply word of mouth. Thank you and goodnight!

Chronic Chronicism

     I must start out by apologizing to all of you for the delay in posting, but to be perfectly honest the following subject is very personal to me, so I needed the additional time to prepare for writing it. It is very personal due to the fact that millions of followers of this blog suffer from the condition we will discuss tonight, and even some people who are very close to me. Be that as it may I was finally convicted enough to break the silence about a disorder we call chronic chronicism.
     Chronic chronicism is a medical condition in which the affected individual frequently has some sort of aliment with vague side effects that inhibit their lives. These side effects can vary widely from one person to the next and someone can have different symptoms with each flare-up. Often times when someone is having a flare-up they describe feeling "blah". Feeling "blah" is one of the few symptoms that many victims of chronic chronicism have in common, and can best be described as a feeling of sub-par health without the ability to point to anything specific bothering them. Here is an example:

Person A: "Do you want to go to the moving picture show this evening?"

Person B: "Not this evening, I'm feeling kind of 'blah'."

Person A: "Oh my, what seems to be your aliment? Is it your stomach?"

Person B: "No, it is not my stomach, I just feel...'blah'."
   
     Chronic chronicism is often times triggered by a sudden wave of added stress to one's life. This added stress normally comes in the form of some kind of responsibility being delegated to that individual, such as asking them to go to work, school, doing chores, or helping with children. Here is an example:

Parent: "Son, would you please clean up your room and then remove the waste from the kitchen waste

receptacle?"

Child (who obviously has chronic chronicism): "But Mom, I don't feel good!"

Parent: "But you were feeling fine just moments ago while engaging in that latest video cartridge."

Child: "I know, but now I don't feel good! Leave me alone!"
    
     Do you see what happened there? This child was feeling fine until the parent placed an unnecessarily large amount of stress on him all at once in the form of chores, triggering the chronic chronicism flare-up. Although this is quite common with children and adolescence it also affects adults. Everyone knows someone who calls into work frequently causing irritation and often added responsibility (i.e. being forced to do the work they would do if they had come to work), but before you just assume they are lazy please consider they may be suffering from chronic chronicism.
     The biggest problem with chronic chronicism is that it cannot be diagnosed. In fact, there are some in the medical field that believe, along with migraines and fibrormyalgia, it is not a real disorder at all. However, anyone who suffers or knows someone who suffers from chronic chronicism knows the pain is all too real. It makes me sad that just because someone has no facts or evidence to back up their claims of constantly not feeling well and therefore dodging daily responsibilities someone else would assume they are making it up. If you know someone that displays these symptoms please be patient with them instead of lashing out in anger, because it may not be there fault. Support chronic chronicism awareness and together we can find a cure. Thank you and goodnight!

The Twilight Saga

    
     With the new Twilight movie coming out many of you have been asking me to sound off my thoughts on the book and movie series. I have some sad news, though, I vow right here before you all to never dedicate one word to this series, much less an entire post. I have never read the book as I don't really have much faith in reading but I have had the displeasure of seeing the first film as well as the second, and as a student of theatre I can tell you it made me physically ill. Therefore I cannot, in good conscious, dedicate my life's work (this blog) to glorifying that filth. It was so bad that I cannot even bring myself to write about how bad it was. From undeveloped characters, to weak storyline, to blatant male sex appeal at it's worst this movie embodies everything that has come to represent distasteful film. Not to mention the undeniably close tie the film series has with the television network MTV (which is another subject for another day entirely). Anyway, that being said I can guarantee you will never see Twilight mentioned on this blog, not even to to be cast in a bad light. After all you don't need me to go on and on and on and on and on and on about how bad the film series is to know bad it is.
     I don't understand how so many women think that Edward is attractive on any level, speaking of not talking about Twilight. He is looks sickly with his lankiness, downcast face, and extremely pale skin, plus he is very rude to Bella when they first meet. Where is the attraction there? This love story is a tribute to the many women who have a problem with inferiority complexes and therefore date abusive men or prison inmates, and the fact that this series glorifies such a lifestyle is appalling. I don't understand the appeal of Bella, for that matter. She appears to be addicted to drugs throughout the movie, in my opinion.
     Anyway, I must apologize to you, the audience, because although I strive to give you all what you ask for I simply cannot meet this demand. I will not compromise my feelings about this film or my integrity by blogging about it. You will never see mention of Twilight, Edward, Jacob, Bella, vampires, werewolves, or anything else related to this book/film series across these pages. If you feel like this stance is too rigid and your loyalty lies with Twilight it would be better for both of us if you promptly excused yourself. Thank you for understanding and good day.

Parenting Tips-How to tell your child no

     One of the challenges I see modern day parents struggling with is the idea of telling their children no to anything they ask for. There are many misconceptions surrounding the concept of telling one's child no including the idea that saying no, regardless of the irrationality of the request, is somehow mean. Some parents even believe saying no is a form of child abuse while Hippies (or "free spirits") believe that "a child must be free to discover themselves without boarders, man" and saying no inhibits that growth. Some parents believe saying no is too difficult and others are just too lazy to do so. Today we are going to explore how a parent can be successful in saying no and the benefits of doing so!
     The first thing parents must understand is saying yes can come in many forms including (but not limited to) "Whatever", "I don't care", and "Fine! Just do it then!". It also does not count if a parent says no at first, but then gives in after further persistence. Below is an example what not to do:

Child: "Parent or legal guardian, I want to eat cake and ice cream for every meal."

Parent/legal guardian: "No my child, you may not have cake and ice cream for every meal."

Child: "But I want to! PLEEEEEEEASE!!!!!!"

Parent/legal guardian: "Fine! Whatever! I don't care!"

     Makes you think of Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory doesn't it? If this looks like an exchange similar to one you may have with your child you may have a problem with saying no. Fear not, for no matter how long you have been bowing to your child's absurd demands you can still turn the ship around and here is how you do it:
     Phase 1-Phase 1 involves saying no. As we discussed earlier many parents actually get this phase correctly, however it means nothing if you do not follow through with the following phases (unless, obviously, phase 1 works in which case the following phases are not needed). Phase 2-This phase involves saying no again, this time more sternly and/or perhaps with a brief explanation of why a no was given. In children who have never been told no twice in a row this will normally provoke an adverse response which is often referred to as a "temper tantrum". If the temper tantrum is initiated then it is necessary to move on to phase 3, which I have nick-named the "discipline" phase. Phase 3 is another no coupled with some form of punishment (this may include a time out, repossession of a toy, or corporal punishment for parents discerning enough to handle it). Please keep in mind that if you go through all the phases and still give in to the demand you have labored in vain, so stay strong!
     For parents who have spent years bending over backwards for their child's demands you will find that the phases will probably not work at first. This is because the child has learned over the years that (through your own inaction) they will eventually get what they want if they are loud enough or press long enough. Keep up the good fight, for although it will be a struggle in the beginning this method will pay dividends for the rest of both of your lives! Thanks, and be sure to tell any parents you know who may be dealing with this issue!

Occupy Wall Street-The Real Story

     Occupy Wall Street is what most people believe to be a series of protests based in Zuccotti Park on Wall Street in the financial district of lower Manhattan, New York. It is thought that the group is primarily young people, many of whom are "starving artists", who have come together to protest financial inequality and coporate greed and have no specific demands or central leadership. There has been very little media coverage on the protests and speculations abound as to the goals and end of the demonstrations, and I am going to tell you why. The truth of the matter is this is not a demonstration at all. That's right, this whole "movement" happened by mistake. Let me explain:
     During the July New York city council meeting representatives of Manhattan expressed concern over the dramatic decrease in tourism to the area and proposed legislation to "beautify" local parks, a measure which included the banning of any and all persons living in or conducting business ("street vendors" as they are commonly called) in public parks. The measure passed and was set to be enacted on September 16th, 2011. For the next 2 months the NYPD had the task of informing all "street vendors" and residents of Manhattan public parks of their September 16 eviction. As more and more people were told of their impending fate it was reveled that there was one privately owned park in lower Manhattan called Zuccotti Park located on Wall Street, and the new law did not have precedence over private parks, only public. So, basically, all the homeless people and "street vendors" (including many musicians, artists, performers, and food carts) descended on Zuccotti Park on September 17 after a night of relocating from their former homes elsewhere in the borough. Four days into the relocation The New York Observer did the first report on the abnormally large group of hobos in the park. When prompted by the question "Are you here on Wall Street to protest coporate greed and economic inequality?" one homeless man answered "Uhhh...sure...that's why we're here." The next day Keith Olbermann got ahold of the quote and the following Friday, September 23rd, the New York Times did a report on the "movement". The rest, as they say, is history.
    I hope this article has helped you to understand the real deal that is going on down on Wall Street. Share it with someone who may not know. Thank you and have a blessed day!

Why Exercising Is Bad For Your Health.

     Do you ever get sick and tired of pushy commercials telling you how you need to try the latest diet, join a gym, or take some diet pill? Even on the channels my children watch (Nickelodeon, the Disney Channel) they have advertisements telling my children to 'be active' for at least one hour a day. If someone wants to try and push their propaganda on me that is just fine, I can handle it, but when you try to fill my children's heads with poison I will not stand by and let that slide! Therefore it is time to expose the danger of exercising and the negative impact it has on the human body!
     When one exercises they are putting unnecessary strain on their muscles and joints. Do you know anyone that has back problems? Bad knees? Tennis elbow? Of course, we all do. These are all common problems that come with a life full of exercise. They say working out can extend your life. I don't buy that, but for the sake of argument if that is true all you are doing is adding extra years to the end of your life that will be plagued with health problems. You are also putting additional strain on your heart when you exercise. When you work out your heart jumps into hyper drive which can (and often does) lead to what we will refer to as "early burnout". Think of a car's engine. If 2 people each bought the same new car and one of them raced it for an hour every day while the other took it for a light stroll driving it no more than needed and pushing it no harder than needed, which one would last longer? Obviously the latter. When we work out for an hour a day it is the equivalent to taking your daily driver to the race track and, basically, flooring it for an hour a day.
     Another aspect is the emotional strain put on the one exercising. This is another area where we only hear about how "exercising makes you feel better" and "it releases endorphins" but what happens when the party is over? When you stop exercising you lose a month worth of muscle for every day you don't work out. So even if you have spent a lifetime sculpting your body it will be gone within a year of you being unable to exercise. Whether you quit working out by choice or because of inability, it will end in an unnecessarily emotionally painful failure.
    If you are already a chronic exerciser it's not too late. Just like smoking, it is still better to quit now, no matter how long you have been at it. Also, like smoking, please think seriously about beginning a workout regiment. I'm not here to tell you what to do, just to offer some advice and trust you to make the right choice! Have a great day!

Best and Worst Toys of Christmas 2011 Part 2

Last week we looked at some of the most disgraceful Christmas gifts so far this giving season, so tonight we will show you some of the best the market has to offer. Since everyone seems to be struggling with finances these days we will focus on economically practical choices that will ensure you can provide your loved ones with the best Christmas ever and when the credit card bills roll in next year you wont wish for death.

Toy Stick

     Parents these days often dread Christmas time because of the great financial burden children's toys place on them. Even my 6-year-old asked for an XBox 360 for Christmas last year after a schoolmate told her she needed one. Well, parents, instead of giving in to these ridiculous demands you have a choice. When I reflect back on the days of my youth I remember playing with sticks. Yes, a stick is not only free, but has so many benefits I can only begin to scratch the surface. A stick opens the imagination of a child to worlds that Playstation couldn't even begin to think of how they could possibly create. And what happens if the stick breaks (as almost all children's toys do)? Well, unlike that iPod, you now have 2 toys so breaking the gift only makes things better! Some of the greatest minds in history grew up poor and played with common sticks; Einstein, Steve Jobs, and daVinci are among the few.

Toy Box:

     When you hear 'toy box' the first thing you probably think of is a box that holds your kid's toys. Well, this Christmas season that term has a whole new meaning! If I had a nickel for every time I heard someone say "he/she likes the box more than the toy" I would probably be a multi-billionaire. With the toy box you simply take a box, put a smaller empty box inside, and wrap the bigger box. This cash-savvy option offers the opportunity for imagination promotion while actually giving the child 2 gifts: the box itself and the box that the box came in. As with the toy stick you can find these free from several sources (such as your local Wal-Mart) and when (not if) they are destroyed they are easy to replace.

     With both of these choices you are giving your children gifts they will treasure above any mind-numbing fancy electronic gift and you will also be giving yourself a gift-the gift of financial peace. Thank you and please be sure to 'like' us on Facebook and post this on your own wall for others to enjoy!

*Note to Men: The gift ideas mentioned above are meant for children only. It is highly recommended that you do not give the above mentioned gifts to your wife or girlfriend.

Parenting Tips-What Movies Should My Child Watch?

     A fellow parent and avid fan of the blog was lamenting to me just the other day about a child-related mishap she experienced regarding a questionable film. The film in question was the Universal Pictures 2011 release "Bridesmaids", a movie that is rated 'R' for strong sexuality and language throughout. This parent took her 11-year-old to the movie theater believing this to be an innocent, family-friendly romp that her and her young daughter could enjoy together, but what happened was a much different, and much darker story. It turns out that despite her most sincere effort the movie had strong sexuality and language throughout, ruining their mother-daughter day. This got me thinking about how a parent could avoid a similar disaster and I believe I have come up with a revolutionary idea to address this issue. I call it "pre-screening", and here is how it works.
     In the past a parents only choice when determining what films to take children was to choose based on the film's title alone without the help of ratings, reviews, or previews. With "pre-screening" the first phase is to watch a preview of the potential film, look at the ratings and why the film drew such ratings, and even consult other parents, friends, or family to get a feel for what they might expect in the theater. If the parent believes the movie is fit for their kid they may move on to phase 3, but if questions still linger they can move on to phase 2 of the "pre-screening". Phase 2 is a little more complex, but well worth the effort exerted. Basically it involves the parent, or parents, going to see the movie without kids. Going to a movie without kids has endless benefits but for the sake of the subject matter we will keep it within the context of "pre-screening".If you go to a movie without kids and it ends up being a filth bath you simply do not return with the children, and potentially avoid having to post bail for them years down the road. If you give it your own personal thumbs up then move on to phase 3. The last and most rewarding phase of "pre-screening" simply involves you going back to the theater with your children to watch a film containing no dirty surprises and enjoying a clean family night out!
     I hope this helps you parents out there, and if you know someone who is struggling with this very issue I encourage you to direct them here. Have a blessed day!

Best and Worst Toys of Christmas 2011 Part 1

Hello, I have seen plenty of best/worst toys for Christmas over the years by many "experts" so I thought I would compile one for regular parents by a regular parent. This list will come in different episodes as I see toys roll out so here is the first leg of the adventure. In this segment we will explore a few of the toys that have already made the naughty list.

Monopoly Electronic Banking

     In the latest edition of Parker Brothers Monopoly series of board games the company has managed to alter several components of this timeless classic to bring it from dominating several 'top ten' lists since the Great Depression all the way to the bottom of my personal 'bottom ten' list. Instead of encouraging hard work and promoting advanced math skills we now have credit cards and calculators. Another problem I have with this is the marketing campaign behind it. In the commercial you see a child going around putting things like extravagant homes and exotic sports cars on a credit card while in the background a song that repeats "It's all about the money, money. It's all about the money". Clearly for Parker Brothers it really IS all about the money. Sad to think a that the board game that single-handedly brought this country out of the Great Depression will probably lead us into the next one.

Alternatives: The original Monopoly, The Game of Life, Candyland

Doggie Doo

     I saw a commercial for this atrocious game for the first time today. "Doggie Doo" is a game that consists of a plastic dog that you feed playdough to and it poops. Contestants must then collect the feces in order to win. Honestly, I don't even really know what to say other than a game that encourages children to play with dog poop and expect a reward from it is well beyond twisted and tasteless. Basically, buying "Doggie Doo" is like purchasing everything bad about a real dog with none of the benefits. Goliath games is responsible for this disaster as well as the "Pop the Pig" (a game that consists of children overfeeding a pig until it explodes) and I recommend buying nothing from this company.

Alternatives: Basically anything other that "Pop the Pig"

Kaboom! Foam-Tastic

     You would not normally think of this as a potential Christmas gift but my four-year-old saw a commercial for this product and said "I want that" so I thought it should be addressed. While I'm sure Kaboom! Foam-Tastic is a fine cleaning product it would make a terrible Christmas gift for a child due to the fact that it is most certainly poisonous and probably would not be used as it is intended anyway. In fact, if you were thinking of getting this for your young child for Christmas you should probably not have children at all.

Alternatives: Baby's First Vacuum by Hoover, Easy Bake Oven


Thanks and check back often for more best and worst for Christmas! Have a blessed evening!

Earthships-What Rubbish.

I would like to start by giving credit where credit is due. The following subject was brought to my attention by a crazed fan of the blog. If you have something you would like to see addressed please email me and we will see if we can pencil it in!

     In Taos, New Mexico there is a company called Earthship Biotecture that essentially builds houses made out of garbage. When someone told me about this I thought it was some kind of tasteless joke, but the sad truth is this is all too real. Basically, the idea is to take waste and 'recycle' it in order to cut down on unsightly garbage filling landfills across the world, while at the same providing affordable and attractive housing. There are so many problems with this I almost don't even know where to start.

What is an Earthship, anyway?

     When one hears the name 'Earthship' one can only picture a huge spaceship designed to save humanity from a ravaged planet, much like the Axiom from the animated Disney Pixar film Wall-E. Interestingly enough this is quite the opposite. An earthship is a home built using a combination of garbage and dirt. Typically made of old tires filled with dirt and the other recyclable materials this concept combines bad taste along with a complete disregard for Earth and its inhabitants. In a nutshell, Earthship Biotectutre has found an ingenious way to take a pile of trash and magically transform it into a pile of trash you live in.

Who wants to live in a dump?

     Other than Oscar the Grouch I can think of nobody that willing chooses to live in a trash heap (except, of course, the customers of Earthship Biotecture). In some ways this is actually offensive to me because there are thousands of homeless people who, through no fault of their own, are forced to live in boxes and dig their food out of dumpsters. Now we have a company that is actually taking money from people in exchange for this unappealing lifestyle. It's almost as if they have glamorized being 'down on one's luck', if you will, and put a hefty price tag on it! Talk about kicking the less fortunate while they're down. This perverse marketing ploy is enough to merit an all-out boycott of this company but let's also look at the practicality of the situation just for good measure.

Helping the Environment?

     I don't know about you but I can think of nothing that would help Mother Nature out more than taking a bunch of old tires nobody wants and putting them right in the middle of a suburban neighborhood for a family to raise their children in. Obviously the former sentence is rank with sarcasm, but unfortunately the patrons of this company really believe this to be true. These dwellings are actually quite bad for the environment because of the fact that we are taking garbage that would otherwise be contained in a sole isolated place (a landfill) and basically spreading it all over creation. Another factor to consider is the housing market is so bad right now there are tens of thousands of homes unoccupied and/or being torn down and discarded causing trillions of tons of construction waste every single day, and all the while this 'green' housing scheme is encouraging people to build these 'environmentally friendly' homes. I think even Marjory the wise Trash Heap from Fraggle Rock would consider this concept to be utter foolishness.

The Solution?

     My audience is generally well educated and successful so I have no doubt you already know the solution: Do not buy a home made of garbage. Instead, help the environment, the economy, and your fellow man by purchasing a traditional home and throwing away any trash. And for the tires? We will be exploring the natural benefits of burning those soon enough! Thanks for your interest and please spread the word!