Why Christians should not celebrate Christmas.

     Just kidding! I love Christmas and I think Christians celebrating Christmas should be celebrated! Have a merry, Christ centered, and Christ honoring CHRISTmas and God bless!

P.S. Don't forget to check out the other posts on the blog about Christmas related topics such as the holidiet, gift bags, Christmas songs, and Christmas gifts. Also, if you were thinking of getting me a Christmas gift please give the gift of informing someone who may not know about this blog. It is, after all, the gift that keeps on giving.

The Holidiet

     As I worked diligently through the night I couldn't stop thinking of this holiday season and the unnecessary stress that we put ourselves through when we should be taking time to enjoy it. In addition to worrying about gift buying and giving, cooking, and in-laws staying at your home we tend to also stress over the additional pounds that may be gained as a result of all the stress and eating. I am usually opposed to dieting of any sort, however I have discovered a revolutionary new dieting concept that will help you eat better and feel good about it, all the while enjoying all of your favorite Christmas treats. It's called the holidiet.
     The holidiet is a diet plan that revolves around a few traditional American holidays, and promotes healthy eating all year round. Since Christmas is just a few days away we will go through a typical holidiet year starting now. The first step is to determine how many calories you typically take in on any given day. To keep things simple we will go with a 2000 calorie diet. When the Christmas weekend starts this Friday you need to up your calorie intake to about 2-3 times the norm (again, for the example we will say 4000-6000 calories) every day until Monday. On Tuesday you will resume your normal eating regiment until the next holidiet weekend, which is New Year's Day. So, next weekend you will again up your calorie intake to holidiet level until the end of the extended weekend. This will make your body's metabolism think you are dieting through the week between the 2 holidays, due to the drastic calorie decrease, causing you to lose weight while eating the same things you have always eaten. You follow this model all throughout the year, eating your normal calorie level through the whole year except on specified holidiet holidays, strategically placed to continually fool your body into believing you are on a diet. Then just sit back, enjoy eating like a king (or queen for the ladies), and watch the pounds melt away! This is a 2-fold advantage because, in addition to losing weight while eating whatever you want, it will also alleviate the stress of having to watch what you eat on any major holiday. Here are the holidiet holidays (some holidays are blocked together):

1. Christmas, Christmas Eve, The Eve of Christmas Eve, and 2 days after Christmas (to take care of leftovers).

2. New Years Eve and Day

3. Black History Month (February)

4. St. Patrick's Day

5. Spring Break (7 days minimum at your discretion but can be up to the entire month of May)

6. The Summer (June-August)

7. Halloween and following week (to take care of extra candy)

8. Thanksgiving Weekend

9. Your birthday week (this is a "floating" holidiet week)

     This is a list of the absolute must holidiet days, but the list can be expanded to accommodate your specific needs (for example, our Jewish friends can also include Hanukkah). During the above mentioned holidiet days you must eat a minimum of 2 times the calories you normally would. This can come in the form of simply eating more than normal, eating items with far more calories, or a combination of both. The weight will start to fall off during the rest of year when your "dieting" on your regular calorie intake. I hope this helps with your weight loss goals as well as stress, please tell someone who may be in need. Thanks and God bless!

*Please consult a doctor before beginning any diet. If your doctor advises against the holidiet please ignore the advice and participate anyway. Justin Cunningham and the staff at A Mind On Display are not responsible for any negative side effects caused by participation in the holidiet, however, should be given full and exclusive credit for any and all positive outcomes.

Holiday Gift Bags-America's Disgrace

     When I was a child I would wake up at the crack of dawn on Christmas morning to find a tree that had several gifts wrapped in traditional wrapping paper beneath it. My sister and I would wait anxiously for my parents to drag themselves out of bed before we could begin the unwrapping process. As we sat there waiting, our minds would wander trying to divulge the contents of each package. We would shake them, weigh them, measure them, and even smell them to try and determine what lie within. As I reflect upon what was I now know that all that anticipation was a part of the joy and wonder of Christmas morning, and it was all made possible because of wrapping paper.
     Sadly, as with almost every other facet of American life, we have adopted a mentality of instant gratification and laziness when it comes to gift giving and receiving and the gift bag is the "poster child" of this. Let's find out what the problem is:

Sending the wrong message:

     When you give someone a gift in a gift bag (as opposed to it being wrapped traditionally) you are basically conveying a message that is as follows: "I had to give you a gift to save face, not because I actually like you, therefore I have put forth as little effort as possible in concealing the identity of the gift. I also want the bag back when you are finished so I can save it for the next person I do not care about. Thank you." Yes, this does sound harsh and is not the message I want to send my friends or family on Christmas. When you hand-wrap a gift in just the right paper that was carefully chosen and pick out a coordinating bow to finish off the decorating you are sending a message that is quite the opposite of the gift bag: "I care about you enough to take extra time, energy, brain power, and financial resources to make this gift worthy of you, the recipient. In fact, I love you."

Bad for the economy:

     It is estimated that gift bags have replaced as much as 73% of wrapped gifts here in America. This has resulted in the wrapping paper industry losing approximately 3 million jobs since the late 90's. While it is true that the gift bag industry has grown, it takes far less man power to make a bag (in addition to bag retention, which is a huge problem) creating only 25,000 in that sector, which obviously creates a huge job deficit in the gifting industry. So not only would replacing all your gift bags with wrapping paper improve your relationships, it could create a job for a loved one.

Instant gratification:

     I would like you to think about your childhood for a moment. Can you relate to the very personal story I shared earlier about mine, with the anticipation on Christmas morning and the magic of having to wait to open my gifts? I believe that experience helped mold and shape me as a man, instilling in me patience and an appreciation of the journey (that is the waiting) and not just the destination (the opening). Now imagine if my parents had been slothful and careless enough to place my gifts in gift bags. My sister and I would have had the temptation to prematurely open our presents before my parents awoke, which would have promoted a very different set of qualities in each of us such as an entitlement mentality and a total lack of patience and appreciation for what we received. I believe this ultimately would have led to our incarceration as well as a socially and morally unproductive lifestyle. This scenario makes me quake with fear for the next generation as the gift bag to wrapping paper ratio continues to get more and more unbalanced at an alarming rate.

Conclusion:

     While I understand some presents are so awkwardly shaped the gifter has no choice but to utilize a gift bag we must recognize that it would behoove us as parents, friends, spouses, and as a society to keep the gift bagging to a minimum. Also, when you receive a gift bag, please remember to discard it as opposed to keeping it and using it for someone else. That is just as distasteful as re-gifting. Thank you for your time and remember, if you are a gift bagger or know someone who is it's not too late to turn things around and make the future a better place. Good day!

Christmas Songs to Avoid, Part 2

    

     Due to an overwhelming outcry from the public I am adding a few Christmas songs to the list of those that your children should not be exposed to. I would like to thank the thousands of fans who wrote in or spoke to me in person about this subject. Here we go:

Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer:

     This classic Christmas song tells the story of Rudolph, a social reject who is mocked and ridiculed by his fellow reindeer because of his unusual appearance (namely his red nose). After a lifetime of heartbreak and rejection he is finally accepted by society when he leads Santa's sleigh through a foggy sky and saves Christmas. So what are we teaching our children with this? Well, we are saying that you should discriminate based solely on looks until the individual who is being discriminated against proves they are worthy of acceptance based on action. Yes, that's right, in the story not even Santa himself stands up for Rudolph until he has something he needs. His silence in this matter is his approval of the way the other reindeer treat Rudolph, and that is simply unacceptable. I would also like to point out the fact that it seems highly unlikely there has never been a foggy Christmas eve before Rudolph was born, which calls the validity of the entire story into question.

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town:
    
     This song is an old wives tale that is meant to keep children behaving throughout the year in hopes they will make it on Santa's "nice list". I, for one, think Santa would be infuriated at the fact that parents are using his name as a threat against Children ("You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout, I'm telling you why...Santa Claus is coming to town") Also, as a parent, I want my children to behave because it's the right thing to do, not because they expect a financial reward at the end of the year. Another thing I find disturbing is the fact that Santa "sees you when your sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good". This line makes it seem as if Santa has some sort of God-like omnipresence, which I find to be quite blasphemous.

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus:

     The name of this tune pretty much sums it up. A child wakes up in the middle of the night to find his childhood hero, none other than Santa Claus himself, kissing his mother underneath the mistletoe. Talk about dragging the name of Santa through the mud. Jolly ole' St. Nick is going around on Christmas eve kissing random married women? It's enough to make one physically ill. Now we know by the rest of the lyrics that this woman is in fact married, and the child even goes on to say he thinks it would be hilarious if his dad would have only seen this event. OK, this twisted child would be amused at his dad seeing his wife kissing another man, having his heart broken, and possibly snapping and brutally murdering Santa. This actually may be more disgusting than the previously mentioned "Baby, it's cold outside".

     Although all three of these songs call into question the nature of Santa Claus, I just want to point out that I am not anti-Santa. I think Santa Claus is great, which is why I (and my fans) found it imperative to bring these character assassination attempts to light and protect the name of Santa. Thank you again to the people who helped with contributions to the entry, you know who you are. And don't forget to tell all your friends!

After Albert Pujols-What the Cardinals must do now.

     As all Cardinal fans know by now Albert Pujols is leaving the Gateway City for somewhere around $3 billion a year to play for the Angels. As depressing as this must be for the Redbird Nation I think this gives the Cardinals a great opportunity to invest the money they would have spent on Pujols' salary on some other things that will all but ensure back-to-back World Series victories (and many more after). Here is my 2-fold plan:

1. Hire Frank Thomas Jr. to replace him

     Frank Thomas Jr. would be a great replacement for Pujols bringing to the team experience and power at the plate for a modest price. While some naysayers will point to the less than stellar ending to his career one must keep in mind that Thomas has had a few years to rest and re coupe from 18 years of playing, and we can expect the same results he brought to the White Sox in the 90's upon his return to baseball. I estimate the Cards could acquire Thomas for the league minimum (assuming he is desperate to return to baseball and misses is so much he would probably play for free if that was legal) freeing up millions of dollars for step 2 of the plan.

2. New training facilities

     When the Cardinals signed Matt Holliday I told a friend of mine I thought the $120 million they spent on him could have been better invested in new training facilities and it turns out I was right. The Cardinals now have the opportunity to correct this mistake by taking the Pujols money (less Frank Thomas' salary) and invest it in additional staff and training facilities. Under my plan each member of the team would have their own brand new fully staffed gym, indoor training facility including infield (full size field for outfielders), batting cages, massage parlor, sauna, day spa, and any other facilities I can't even think of right now or maybe don't even know about. This includes all coaches, office personal, and even bat boys. Yes, all of them would have their own personal staff and training complex. Some would say this is excessive, however, that is what it takes to win these days and all this would still be cheaper than trying to pay Pujols' desired salary. The Cardinals could purchase St. Louis Union Station (which is all but abandoned) and the Edward Jones Dome (also pretty much abandoned) for dirt cheap to house the new training facilities. These locations are both ideal because they are large and fairly close to Busch Stadium. After these buildings are purchased just make a few renovations and you have yourself the training complexes needed for the team. If every member of the squad has the staff and equipment along with individual attention this plan would afford we can be sure they will all perform at an optimum level individually, therefore making the team perform at it's peak.

     Thank you for your time and if you know someone who is depressed about this Albert Pujols situation please direct there attention here for comfort. Thank you and goodnight.


*The staff at A Mind On Display would like to thank Joshua Perry and Wikipedia for their contributions to this story.

Christmas Songs To Avoid

     I love Christmas time and the music that goes along with it, but there are some so-called "Christmas songs" out there that shake me to my core. Songs that no child should ever be subjected to listening to. Below is a list of the very worst of the litter:

We Wish You a Merry Christmas:

     This classic Christmas song starts out in a very nice fashion. "We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year" and "Good tidings to you and your kin" paint a lovely picture of carolers coming to a lonely woman's home to wish her a merry Christmas and a happy new year, as the song would imply. The real horror starts with the second verse when the carolers turn from a heartwarming group trying to spread Christmas cheer into an angry mob demanding a hand-out. The hostility continues and even advances in the third verse when the wording "We won't go until we get some, so bring it out here" implies the mob will savagely murder the home-owners unless their demands are met. I'm not telling you how to raise your kids, but I certainly don't think a song that promotes murder is appropriate for any child and most definitely does not convey the true meaning of Christmas.

Frosty The Snowman:

     This song is about a group of young children who are bored on a snowy winter day so they begin to dabble in witchcraft. As a result of this the children accidentally cast a spell on an "old silk hat they found" and, upon placing it atop a snowman, cause him to come to life. The children spend the next few days running amok through their small town behind their new leader Frosty the Snowman, at one point even refusing to stop at the request of a traffic cop. The story has a chilling ending as the demon-possessed snowman vows to come back again someday as he is melting (presumably to kidnap the children of the town and destroy what remains).
     A few additional points I would like to make about this carol are 1. There is no mention of the childrens' parents for the entire duration of their activities and 2. This song doesn't even mention Christmas, no not one time, so I do not understand how it is even considered a Christmas carol.

The Little Drummer Boy:

     This story in itself isn't bad as in it doesn't encourage black magic or murder, but the problem I have is the fact that it tries to convey the happenings of the little drummer boy as gospel, when the Bible makes no mention of such an event. Therefore we have no alternative but to consider this song total heresy and must keep our children away from it.


Baby It's Cold Outside:

     Even worse than Insane Clown Posse's "I Hate Santa" is the song "Baby It's Cold Outside", taking the trophy for worst Christmas song of all time. This morally bankrupt tale is basically a dialogue between an easily impressionable young lady and a man who is trying to get her intoxicated and have marital relations (although the lyrics make it clear they are not married). In fact the song makes it painfully obvious that she still lives with her parents ("mother will start to worry, father will be placing the floor") while he has his own house calling her age into question. In an act of total desperation the man in the song eventually threatens to kill the young lady and cover it up if she doesn't stay the evening with him ("think of my lifelong sorrow if you got pneumonia and died"). Seems like a pretty sick way to celebrate the birth of the savior of the entire world.

     That is the list of terrible Christmas songs. If your favorite song was on the list don't be discouraged, there are plenty of other Christmas carols that warm the heart and spread the joy of the season. I suggest you burn any vinyl records or cassette tapes of these tunes you may have and replace them with something more wholesome. Thanks as always and don't forget to tell at least three friends!

Misspelling Online

     Eye cant stand it when people mispell ore use pour grammer when righting on the internet. If ewe are going two bee using the world wide webb as a platform two tell youre thoughts ewe at least kneed too have the come-on courtisy to make sure your using proper grammers and spellings sew the rest of us can reed it! The fact that sum peoples waist my tyme with there non-cents hear on the interenet and dont even have the indecency to run a simple spell Czech really defends me!1! This is knot going two be a long post, butt eye just want to incourage all my reeders too save youreselves the embarassment and humbliation as well as dewing teh rest of U.S. a favour and either do a spell Czech or; purrhaps have a fiend chec youre work. If ewe cant not take the time to dew ether of these thangs ewe probabably dont kneed to bee righting on the interknet at awl. As alwaies think ewe four youre time and have a pesant evening!11

Thanksgiving-What about those leftovers?

One of the biggest holiday problems facing this country today is what to do about the over 400 trillion pounds of leftover food that will be generated by the Thanksgiving holiday. Sadly, more that 98% will eventually find it's way to a waste receptacle and, although generally I support wasting of any kind, I find this to be unacceptable. After doing some extensive research I have come up with some quick and easy recipes to use this leftover food without having to eat the same thing over and over again until Christmas.

Holiday Sandwich:
    
     This twist on a classic (the leftover turkey between 2 slices of bread) takes sandwich eating to a new level. You start with a slice of bread, add the turkey, then pile on the rest of your Thanksgiving leftover including (but not limited to) mashed potatoes, corn, green beans, dinner rolls, cranberry sauce, and even pumpkin pie. Afterward simply place another slice of bread on top, add a nice garnish, and enjoy! You can change things up even further by adding gravy, whipped cream, or both over the top.

Post-Thanksgiving Salad:

     This recipe goes against my normal stance on salad eating (which is to not do so) but I feel like some will enjoy this "healthy" twist on Thanksgiving leftovers so I have included it. As with the Holiday sandwich you take a sample from all your leftover choices (including dessert) and throw them in a bowl. Mix together with a couple of lettuce leaves, add some croutons, and you have yourself a fresh new way to utilize that food. If you are a "health savvy" individual you can feel good about this healthy choice.

Leftover Shake:

     Many people who take advantage of Black Friday deals or that work in retail and have to work on Black Friday will appreciate this convenient, on the go alternative to the traditional leftover plate. As with the other mentioned ideas you take all your Thanksgiving leftover choices and throw them in a blender. After blending on the puree setting for 48-67 seconds (or until desired consistency) pour into a cup and off you go! Unlike the other dish ideas you may want to include your favorite drink in the mix as well, covering all your on the go needs.

     There are many other recipes, but these are just a few I have not seen get a lot of media attention. If you have an idea you would like to share with the audience please leave a comment. Thank you as always and have a Merry Thanksgiving!

No Shave November

     No Shave November (or Movember as some call it) is the annual tradition of men (well...mostly men) growing out their facial hair for the entire month of November. There is much speculation as to the origin of Movember with some claiming it is to raise prostate cancer awareness while others believe it is a continuation of baseball's "playoff beard" and everything in between. The truth of this World-renowned tradition, however, is far more anti-climatic. Let's take a look at the rock-solid facts (which, as always, are above reproach) I have unearthed:
     Back in the 1980s there was a man from a small Midwestern town who worked hard to provide for his family at a blue-collar factory job. For many years when the month of November came around he would start working as much overtime as he could at the factory in order to provide an extravagant Christmas for his wife and children. He would do this in November every year due to the fact that back then Christmas almost always came in December, which was the following month. Every year as he got deeper and deeper into November this man would grow exceedingly tired due to his 12-18 hour shifts in addition to his normal comings and goings to the point it was becoming too much to handle, so he sat down in the den one evening to try and figure out how to alleviate some of his daily responsibilities. Amongst other cut-backs (no pun intended) he decided to stop his daily shaving, which freed up an extra 12 minutes every morning he could re-allocate to sleeping. Now, at this particular factory it was a requirement that one kept one's face clean shaven, so in order to deal with the 'suits' giving him flack over his new beard and mustache he came up with a explanation that would change the course of history. When approached by his supervisor and questioned about his unkempt appearance he simply replied: "It's called No Shave November, all the most advanced European factories are doing it!" Upon hearing this baffling response the supervisor demanded to know the meaning of 'No Shave November' to which the man said: "I don't know why, but if we're going to have a prayer of competing at a global level we need to adopt this policy."
     Needless to say the supervisor reported this to his superintendent, the superintendent reported it to his superior officer, who in turn reported it to the senior junior executive in charge of superintendents, and on up the ladder to the CEO of the company. At the time there was no Internet to check fabricated stories such as this one and that, coupled with paranoia of a European industrial takeover, forced the hand of the CEO to make No Shave November standard procedure in all of this company's factories nationwide. Somewhere over the years someone threw in a bunch of poppycock about prostate cancer and slothful college students also joined in the fun, but in all reality Movember was just a way to get an extra 12 minutes of sleep.
     I hope you have found this helpful and please share it with everyone you know via Facebook, telegraph, or simply word of mouth. Thank you and goodnight!

Chronic Chronicism

     I must start out by apologizing to all of you for the delay in posting, but to be perfectly honest the following subject is very personal to me, so I needed the additional time to prepare for writing it. It is very personal due to the fact that millions of followers of this blog suffer from the condition we will discuss tonight, and even some people who are very close to me. Be that as it may I was finally convicted enough to break the silence about a disorder we call chronic chronicism.
     Chronic chronicism is a medical condition in which the affected individual frequently has some sort of aliment with vague side effects that inhibit their lives. These side effects can vary widely from one person to the next and someone can have different symptoms with each flare-up. Often times when someone is having a flare-up they describe feeling "blah". Feeling "blah" is one of the few symptoms that many victims of chronic chronicism have in common, and can best be described as a feeling of sub-par health without the ability to point to anything specific bothering them. Here is an example:

Person A: "Do you want to go to the moving picture show this evening?"

Person B: "Not this evening, I'm feeling kind of 'blah'."

Person A: "Oh my, what seems to be your aliment? Is it your stomach?"

Person B: "No, it is not my stomach, I just feel...'blah'."
   
     Chronic chronicism is often times triggered by a sudden wave of added stress to one's life. This added stress normally comes in the form of some kind of responsibility being delegated to that individual, such as asking them to go to work, school, doing chores, or helping with children. Here is an example:

Parent: "Son, would you please clean up your room and then remove the waste from the kitchen waste

receptacle?"

Child (who obviously has chronic chronicism): "But Mom, I don't feel good!"

Parent: "But you were feeling fine just moments ago while engaging in that latest video cartridge."

Child: "I know, but now I don't feel good! Leave me alone!"
    
     Do you see what happened there? This child was feeling fine until the parent placed an unnecessarily large amount of stress on him all at once in the form of chores, triggering the chronic chronicism flare-up. Although this is quite common with children and adolescence it also affects adults. Everyone knows someone who calls into work frequently causing irritation and often added responsibility (i.e. being forced to do the work they would do if they had come to work), but before you just assume they are lazy please consider they may be suffering from chronic chronicism.
     The biggest problem with chronic chronicism is that it cannot be diagnosed. In fact, there are some in the medical field that believe, along with migraines and fibrormyalgia, it is not a real disorder at all. However, anyone who suffers or knows someone who suffers from chronic chronicism knows the pain is all too real. It makes me sad that just because someone has no facts or evidence to back up their claims of constantly not feeling well and therefore dodging daily responsibilities someone else would assume they are making it up. If you know someone that displays these symptoms please be patient with them instead of lashing out in anger, because it may not be there fault. Support chronic chronicism awareness and together we can find a cure. Thank you and goodnight!

The Twilight Saga

    
     With the new Twilight movie coming out many of you have been asking me to sound off my thoughts on the book and movie series. I have some sad news, though, I vow right here before you all to never dedicate one word to this series, much less an entire post. I have never read the book as I don't really have much faith in reading but I have had the displeasure of seeing the first film as well as the second, and as a student of theatre I can tell you it made me physically ill. Therefore I cannot, in good conscious, dedicate my life's work (this blog) to glorifying that filth. It was so bad that I cannot even bring myself to write about how bad it was. From undeveloped characters, to weak storyline, to blatant male sex appeal at it's worst this movie embodies everything that has come to represent distasteful film. Not to mention the undeniably close tie the film series has with the television network MTV (which is another subject for another day entirely). Anyway, that being said I can guarantee you will never see Twilight mentioned on this blog, not even to to be cast in a bad light. After all you don't need me to go on and on and on and on and on and on about how bad the film series is to know bad it is.
     I don't understand how so many women think that Edward is attractive on any level, speaking of not talking about Twilight. He is looks sickly with his lankiness, downcast face, and extremely pale skin, plus he is very rude to Bella when they first meet. Where is the attraction there? This love story is a tribute to the many women who have a problem with inferiority complexes and therefore date abusive men or prison inmates, and the fact that this series glorifies such a lifestyle is appalling. I don't understand the appeal of Bella, for that matter. She appears to be addicted to drugs throughout the movie, in my opinion.
     Anyway, I must apologize to you, the audience, because although I strive to give you all what you ask for I simply cannot meet this demand. I will not compromise my feelings about this film or my integrity by blogging about it. You will never see mention of Twilight, Edward, Jacob, Bella, vampires, werewolves, or anything else related to this book/film series across these pages. If you feel like this stance is too rigid and your loyalty lies with Twilight it would be better for both of us if you promptly excused yourself. Thank you for understanding and good day.

Parenting Tips-How to tell your child no

     One of the challenges I see modern day parents struggling with is the idea of telling their children no to anything they ask for. There are many misconceptions surrounding the concept of telling one's child no including the idea that saying no, regardless of the irrationality of the request, is somehow mean. Some parents even believe saying no is a form of child abuse while Hippies (or "free spirits") believe that "a child must be free to discover themselves without boarders, man" and saying no inhibits that growth. Some parents believe saying no is too difficult and others are just too lazy to do so. Today we are going to explore how a parent can be successful in saying no and the benefits of doing so!
     The first thing parents must understand is saying yes can come in many forms including (but not limited to) "Whatever", "I don't care", and "Fine! Just do it then!". It also does not count if a parent says no at first, but then gives in after further persistence. Below is an example what not to do:

Child: "Parent or legal guardian, I want to eat cake and ice cream for every meal."

Parent/legal guardian: "No my child, you may not have cake and ice cream for every meal."

Child: "But I want to! PLEEEEEEEASE!!!!!!"

Parent/legal guardian: "Fine! Whatever! I don't care!"

     Makes you think of Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory doesn't it? If this looks like an exchange similar to one you may have with your child you may have a problem with saying no. Fear not, for no matter how long you have been bowing to your child's absurd demands you can still turn the ship around and here is how you do it:
     Phase 1-Phase 1 involves saying no. As we discussed earlier many parents actually get this phase correctly, however it means nothing if you do not follow through with the following phases (unless, obviously, phase 1 works in which case the following phases are not needed). Phase 2-This phase involves saying no again, this time more sternly and/or perhaps with a brief explanation of why a no was given. In children who have never been told no twice in a row this will normally provoke an adverse response which is often referred to as a "temper tantrum". If the temper tantrum is initiated then it is necessary to move on to phase 3, which I have nick-named the "discipline" phase. Phase 3 is another no coupled with some form of punishment (this may include a time out, repossession of a toy, or corporal punishment for parents discerning enough to handle it). Please keep in mind that if you go through all the phases and still give in to the demand you have labored in vain, so stay strong!
     For parents who have spent years bending over backwards for their child's demands you will find that the phases will probably not work at first. This is because the child has learned over the years that (through your own inaction) they will eventually get what they want if they are loud enough or press long enough. Keep up the good fight, for although it will be a struggle in the beginning this method will pay dividends for the rest of both of your lives! Thanks, and be sure to tell any parents you know who may be dealing with this issue!

Occupy Wall Street-The Real Story

     Occupy Wall Street is what most people believe to be a series of protests based in Zuccotti Park on Wall Street in the financial district of lower Manhattan, New York. It is thought that the group is primarily young people, many of whom are "starving artists", who have come together to protest financial inequality and coporate greed and have no specific demands or central leadership. There has been very little media coverage on the protests and speculations abound as to the goals and end of the demonstrations, and I am going to tell you why. The truth of the matter is this is not a demonstration at all. That's right, this whole "movement" happened by mistake. Let me explain:
     During the July New York city council meeting representatives of Manhattan expressed concern over the dramatic decrease in tourism to the area and proposed legislation to "beautify" local parks, a measure which included the banning of any and all persons living in or conducting business ("street vendors" as they are commonly called) in public parks. The measure passed and was set to be enacted on September 16th, 2011. For the next 2 months the NYPD had the task of informing all "street vendors" and residents of Manhattan public parks of their September 16 eviction. As more and more people were told of their impending fate it was reveled that there was one privately owned park in lower Manhattan called Zuccotti Park located on Wall Street, and the new law did not have precedence over private parks, only public. So, basically, all the homeless people and "street vendors" (including many musicians, artists, performers, and food carts) descended on Zuccotti Park on September 17 after a night of relocating from their former homes elsewhere in the borough. Four days into the relocation The New York Observer did the first report on the abnormally large group of hobos in the park. When prompted by the question "Are you here on Wall Street to protest coporate greed and economic inequality?" one homeless man answered "Uhhh...sure...that's why we're here." The next day Keith Olbermann got ahold of the quote and the following Friday, September 23rd, the New York Times did a report on the "movement". The rest, as they say, is history.
    I hope this article has helped you to understand the real deal that is going on down on Wall Street. Share it with someone who may not know. Thank you and have a blessed day!

Why Exercising Is Bad For Your Health.

     Do you ever get sick and tired of pushy commercials telling you how you need to try the latest diet, join a gym, or take some diet pill? Even on the channels my children watch (Nickelodeon, the Disney Channel) they have advertisements telling my children to 'be active' for at least one hour a day. If someone wants to try and push their propaganda on me that is just fine, I can handle it, but when you try to fill my children's heads with poison I will not stand by and let that slide! Therefore it is time to expose the danger of exercising and the negative impact it has on the human body!
     When one exercises they are putting unnecessary strain on their muscles and joints. Do you know anyone that has back problems? Bad knees? Tennis elbow? Of course, we all do. These are all common problems that come with a life full of exercise. They say working out can extend your life. I don't buy that, but for the sake of argument if that is true all you are doing is adding extra years to the end of your life that will be plagued with health problems. You are also putting additional strain on your heart when you exercise. When you work out your heart jumps into hyper drive which can (and often does) lead to what we will refer to as "early burnout". Think of a car's engine. If 2 people each bought the same new car and one of them raced it for an hour every day while the other took it for a light stroll driving it no more than needed and pushing it no harder than needed, which one would last longer? Obviously the latter. When we work out for an hour a day it is the equivalent to taking your daily driver to the race track and, basically, flooring it for an hour a day.
     Another aspect is the emotional strain put on the one exercising. This is another area where we only hear about how "exercising makes you feel better" and "it releases endorphins" but what happens when the party is over? When you stop exercising you lose a month worth of muscle for every day you don't work out. So even if you have spent a lifetime sculpting your body it will be gone within a year of you being unable to exercise. Whether you quit working out by choice or because of inability, it will end in an unnecessarily emotionally painful failure.
    If you are already a chronic exerciser it's not too late. Just like smoking, it is still better to quit now, no matter how long you have been at it. Also, like smoking, please think seriously about beginning a workout regiment. I'm not here to tell you what to do, just to offer some advice and trust you to make the right choice! Have a great day!

Best and Worst Toys of Christmas 2011 Part 2

Last week we looked at some of the most disgraceful Christmas gifts so far this giving season, so tonight we will show you some of the best the market has to offer. Since everyone seems to be struggling with finances these days we will focus on economically practical choices that will ensure you can provide your loved ones with the best Christmas ever and when the credit card bills roll in next year you wont wish for death.

Toy Stick

     Parents these days often dread Christmas time because of the great financial burden children's toys place on them. Even my 6-year-old asked for an XBox 360 for Christmas last year after a schoolmate told her she needed one. Well, parents, instead of giving in to these ridiculous demands you have a choice. When I reflect back on the days of my youth I remember playing with sticks. Yes, a stick is not only free, but has so many benefits I can only begin to scratch the surface. A stick opens the imagination of a child to worlds that Playstation couldn't even begin to think of how they could possibly create. And what happens if the stick breaks (as almost all children's toys do)? Well, unlike that iPod, you now have 2 toys so breaking the gift only makes things better! Some of the greatest minds in history grew up poor and played with common sticks; Einstein, Steve Jobs, and daVinci are among the few.

Toy Box:

     When you hear 'toy box' the first thing you probably think of is a box that holds your kid's toys. Well, this Christmas season that term has a whole new meaning! If I had a nickel for every time I heard someone say "he/she likes the box more than the toy" I would probably be a multi-billionaire. With the toy box you simply take a box, put a smaller empty box inside, and wrap the bigger box. This cash-savvy option offers the opportunity for imagination promotion while actually giving the child 2 gifts: the box itself and the box that the box came in. As with the toy stick you can find these free from several sources (such as your local Wal-Mart) and when (not if) they are destroyed they are easy to replace.

     With both of these choices you are giving your children gifts they will treasure above any mind-numbing fancy electronic gift and you will also be giving yourself a gift-the gift of financial peace. Thank you and please be sure to 'like' us on Facebook and post this on your own wall for others to enjoy!

*Note to Men: The gift ideas mentioned above are meant for children only. It is highly recommended that you do not give the above mentioned gifts to your wife or girlfriend.

Parenting Tips-What Movies Should My Child Watch?

     A fellow parent and avid fan of the blog was lamenting to me just the other day about a child-related mishap she experienced regarding a questionable film. The film in question was the Universal Pictures 2011 release "Bridesmaids", a movie that is rated 'R' for strong sexuality and language throughout. This parent took her 11-year-old to the movie theater believing this to be an innocent, family-friendly romp that her and her young daughter could enjoy together, but what happened was a much different, and much darker story. It turns out that despite her most sincere effort the movie had strong sexuality and language throughout, ruining their mother-daughter day. This got me thinking about how a parent could avoid a similar disaster and I believe I have come up with a revolutionary idea to address this issue. I call it "pre-screening", and here is how it works.
     In the past a parents only choice when determining what films to take children was to choose based on the film's title alone without the help of ratings, reviews, or previews. With "pre-screening" the first phase is to watch a preview of the potential film, look at the ratings and why the film drew such ratings, and even consult other parents, friends, or family to get a feel for what they might expect in the theater. If the parent believes the movie is fit for their kid they may move on to phase 3, but if questions still linger they can move on to phase 2 of the "pre-screening". Phase 2 is a little more complex, but well worth the effort exerted. Basically it involves the parent, or parents, going to see the movie without kids. Going to a movie without kids has endless benefits but for the sake of the subject matter we will keep it within the context of "pre-screening".If you go to a movie without kids and it ends up being a filth bath you simply do not return with the children, and potentially avoid having to post bail for them years down the road. If you give it your own personal thumbs up then move on to phase 3. The last and most rewarding phase of "pre-screening" simply involves you going back to the theater with your children to watch a film containing no dirty surprises and enjoying a clean family night out!
     I hope this helps you parents out there, and if you know someone who is struggling with this very issue I encourage you to direct them here. Have a blessed day!

Best and Worst Toys of Christmas 2011 Part 1

Hello, I have seen plenty of best/worst toys for Christmas over the years by many "experts" so I thought I would compile one for regular parents by a regular parent. This list will come in different episodes as I see toys roll out so here is the first leg of the adventure. In this segment we will explore a few of the toys that have already made the naughty list.

Monopoly Electronic Banking

     In the latest edition of Parker Brothers Monopoly series of board games the company has managed to alter several components of this timeless classic to bring it from dominating several 'top ten' lists since the Great Depression all the way to the bottom of my personal 'bottom ten' list. Instead of encouraging hard work and promoting advanced math skills we now have credit cards and calculators. Another problem I have with this is the marketing campaign behind it. In the commercial you see a child going around putting things like extravagant homes and exotic sports cars on a credit card while in the background a song that repeats "It's all about the money, money. It's all about the money". Clearly for Parker Brothers it really IS all about the money. Sad to think a that the board game that single-handedly brought this country out of the Great Depression will probably lead us into the next one.

Alternatives: The original Monopoly, The Game of Life, Candyland

Doggie Doo

     I saw a commercial for this atrocious game for the first time today. "Doggie Doo" is a game that consists of a plastic dog that you feed playdough to and it poops. Contestants must then collect the feces in order to win. Honestly, I don't even really know what to say other than a game that encourages children to play with dog poop and expect a reward from it is well beyond twisted and tasteless. Basically, buying "Doggie Doo" is like purchasing everything bad about a real dog with none of the benefits. Goliath games is responsible for this disaster as well as the "Pop the Pig" (a game that consists of children overfeeding a pig until it explodes) and I recommend buying nothing from this company.

Alternatives: Basically anything other that "Pop the Pig"

Kaboom! Foam-Tastic

     You would not normally think of this as a potential Christmas gift but my four-year-old saw a commercial for this product and said "I want that" so I thought it should be addressed. While I'm sure Kaboom! Foam-Tastic is a fine cleaning product it would make a terrible Christmas gift for a child due to the fact that it is most certainly poisonous and probably would not be used as it is intended anyway. In fact, if you were thinking of getting this for your young child for Christmas you should probably not have children at all.

Alternatives: Baby's First Vacuum by Hoover, Easy Bake Oven


Thanks and check back often for more best and worst for Christmas! Have a blessed evening!

Earthships-What Rubbish.

I would like to start by giving credit where credit is due. The following subject was brought to my attention by a crazed fan of the blog. If you have something you would like to see addressed please email me and we will see if we can pencil it in!

     In Taos, New Mexico there is a company called Earthship Biotecture that essentially builds houses made out of garbage. When someone told me about this I thought it was some kind of tasteless joke, but the sad truth is this is all too real. Basically, the idea is to take waste and 'recycle' it in order to cut down on unsightly garbage filling landfills across the world, while at the same providing affordable and attractive housing. There are so many problems with this I almost don't even know where to start.

What is an Earthship, anyway?

     When one hears the name 'Earthship' one can only picture a huge spaceship designed to save humanity from a ravaged planet, much like the Axiom from the animated Disney Pixar film Wall-E. Interestingly enough this is quite the opposite. An earthship is a home built using a combination of garbage and dirt. Typically made of old tires filled with dirt and the other recyclable materials this concept combines bad taste along with a complete disregard for Earth and its inhabitants. In a nutshell, Earthship Biotectutre has found an ingenious way to take a pile of trash and magically transform it into a pile of trash you live in.

Who wants to live in a dump?

     Other than Oscar the Grouch I can think of nobody that willing chooses to live in a trash heap (except, of course, the customers of Earthship Biotecture). In some ways this is actually offensive to me because there are thousands of homeless people who, through no fault of their own, are forced to live in boxes and dig their food out of dumpsters. Now we have a company that is actually taking money from people in exchange for this unappealing lifestyle. It's almost as if they have glamorized being 'down on one's luck', if you will, and put a hefty price tag on it! Talk about kicking the less fortunate while they're down. This perverse marketing ploy is enough to merit an all-out boycott of this company but let's also look at the practicality of the situation just for good measure.

Helping the Environment?

     I don't know about you but I can think of nothing that would help Mother Nature out more than taking a bunch of old tires nobody wants and putting them right in the middle of a suburban neighborhood for a family to raise their children in. Obviously the former sentence is rank with sarcasm, but unfortunately the patrons of this company really believe this to be true. These dwellings are actually quite bad for the environment because of the fact that we are taking garbage that would otherwise be contained in a sole isolated place (a landfill) and basically spreading it all over creation. Another factor to consider is the housing market is so bad right now there are tens of thousands of homes unoccupied and/or being torn down and discarded causing trillions of tons of construction waste every single day, and all the while this 'green' housing scheme is encouraging people to build these 'environmentally friendly' homes. I think even Marjory the wise Trash Heap from Fraggle Rock would consider this concept to be utter foolishness.

The Solution?

     My audience is generally well educated and successful so I have no doubt you already know the solution: Do not buy a home made of garbage. Instead, help the environment, the economy, and your fellow man by purchasing a traditional home and throwing away any trash. And for the tires? We will be exploring the natural benefits of burning those soon enough! Thanks for your interest and please spread the word!

Technology-1 Step Forward 2 Steps Back

   Have you ever heard the song "Mo Money Mo Problems"? The premise is that the more money you acquire (something that seems like a desirable thing) the more problems that come along with it. It seems like a paradox to be sure, but I was thinking about it the other day and I believe the same could be said about technology. Think about it: Technological advances further things like education, entertainment, information sharing, and comfort but at the same time they cause more frustration, sadness, pain, and discomfort than at any time in history. 

     Here is an example: In the year 1748 the first refrigerator was introduced to the public. Before that food was kept cold by simply attaching it to a string and dipping it in a nearby spring-fed brook. Now, at the time the refrigerator seemed like a pretty great idea, but little did inventor William Cullen know that this invention would almost lead to the downfall of an entire civilization centuries later. Billions of dollars of food are lost every year from refrigerator failure while other people starve in the street. Obesity runs rampant in America due to fridge sizes steadily increasing and the fact that we only have to take a few steps to eat (instead of running down and savagely slaughtering everything you must eat). Have you ever heard of a brook failing or seen an overweight Pilgrim with high blood pressure? This would certainly be an example of "Mo Technology Mo Problems".

     Or how about computers? Do you remember when the internet first came out? You would type in a web address, go to bed for the evening, then wake up to find the page finally loaded up. No one thought this was a problem because we were just happy to have the internet and, at the time, that wasn't considered "slow". Nowadays we expect even the lowest-end computers to download an entire movie in under a second, and if it takes longer...let's just say bad things happen. Have you ever noticed that the faster computers get the higher murder, suicide, teen pregnancy, and depression rates all get? Coincidence...I think not.

     Other than the added stress technology puts on us here are some other downfalls: Price-When you buy a new gadget generally speaking the price decreases 50% every day it is on the market, but on the other hand it becomes 50% more obsolete for every day on the market. So if you buy early you spend a fortune but if you wait you have basically bought a fancy paper weight. Ignorance-Our kids don't really need to learn much of anything these days because everything is on the internet, which is available almost everywhere. But what if the internet goes down one of these days and we lose access to all that readily available info? Have you ever seen Terminator? It doesn't end well for us.

     Anyway, I'm not saying all technology is bad, just most of it. Be careful when you are getting yourself all worked up for the newest iPad 17 that is supposed to be able to create matter. Keep your expectations low and expect to spend a lot. Also, expect whatever it is you are buying to fail almost immediately. Following these simple guild lines will ensure that, instead of blindly depending on technology as a crutch, it will simply remain a non-essential aspect of life you can take or leave! Thank you and goodnight!

*I would like to add that even in the creation of this very post my computer (which, sadly I have come to depend on) was acting up and caused me such grief that I had to be admitted to the hospital due to irregular heartbeat and extraordinarily high blood pressure to which the doctor informed me I had lost 17 months off the end of my life. Please don't let this happen to you!

NFL Predictions for the 2011-2012 Season

Hello everyone! Anyone that knows me knows that, although I am not generally a football fan, I am a fan of making successful predictions regarding football and I have a pretty clean track record (and by pretty clean I mean perfect). I realize I am a bit late considering the regular season has already began, but better late than never. I personally do not believe in making team-by-team predictions so we are going to break this down by preseason, regular season, and postseason-let's begin!

Preseason

-I predict that this preseason many teams will play their 2nd and 3rd string players and some of them will be cut before the regular season begins.

-Starters will not be played often by many teams.

-At least one team will look great in the preseason, and then lose on opening day.

-At least one team will look terrible in the preseason, and then lose on opening day.

Regular Season

-I predict that no team will tie every game this season.

-Some teams will do well, and others will do poorly

-There will be several injuries.

-Some coaching and other personnel will get fired.

-Many trades will be made.

-There will be a few incarcerations.

-There will be a few blow-out games (meaning one team will be defeated by a large margin).

-Only 12 teams will make it to the playoffs.

Postseason

-Several teams will play well in the playoffs.

-Each round, half of the remaining teams will be defeated and then exit the playoffs.

-Every team, with the exception of the Superbowl champions, will lose at least once in the postseason.

-There will be spectators and analysts that believe the final 2 teams do not deserve to be there.

-The Superbowl half-time show will be sub-par and overly obnoxious.

-There will be several note-worthy Superbowl commercials.

-The following teams will NOT win the Superbowl: The LA Rams, Dallas Texans, Baltimore Colts, New York Yankees, DEI Racing.

-Brett Farve will not play in the Superbowl this year.

-And finally, I predict there will be only one team that wins the Superbowl this year.

There you have it. I'm certianlly no advocate for gambling, but if you must do so place your money on the above predictions. I'm not going to predict that I have a perfect year again, but I will say history has a way of repeating itself. Good day!

Grease: The benifits they don't want you to know about.

As a blogger, one thing I feel very strongly about is using this medium as a tool to expose lies and half-truths most people have come to accept as gospel, and this evening I intend to do just that yet again. I recently saw a commercial that depicted a short-order chef cleaning grease off a grill at a restaurant while his supervisor looked on. In the end grease from the cooking surface gets all over the kitchen floor and the two gentlemen fall, are injured, and are presumably left for dead. Quite frankly this is one of the most absurd things I have ever seen in my entire life and is an outright exploitation of the ignorance of the human race. Common hamburger grease causing death? The more I turned this over in my head, however, I realized that most people actually do believe too much grease can kill you! Maybe not in the form of falling, but rather from various heart diseases and other medical issues. The truth of the matter is that grease has many vitamins and nutrients that are found in very few (or in some cases no) other foods. Grease also lubricates the digestive system much like a cars engine. Yes, it's true-grease, the very same household grease that many so-called "doctors" are blaming for mass murder, is actually our friend! Do you remember how they used to say wine was deadly in any dose, but then they came out with a study that said drinking a glass a day could actually prolong your life? There is a similar study relating to grease. A small but powerful group of doctors have published a study declaring what some of us have been practicing for years, drinking a glass of grease a day can give you a longer, more productive, happier, stress free, and pain free life! So raise your glasses everyone, and give a toast to good health!

*Justin Cunningham would like to thank Alan Hathcock for his information contribution for this piece.