Why Littering is GOOD for the Enviornment: The Untold Story

Hello everyone and welcome back. Littering and garbage has been getting a lot of bad press for a while now and frankly I'm getting a little sick of all the one-sidedness by the liberal media on the matter. In fact, just the name "litter" has become so detestable that using it will actually get you suspended in some West Coast schools. So we are going to cure this rampant ignorance by giving you the side of the story you never thought you wanted to know...the benefits of littering. Yes, there ARE positive aspects of littering and it can actually help the environment. Think about it for a minute. Where does all that garbage come from? The answer may surprise you: it came from nature! Everything on Earth was already here. Humans are unable to create matter, therefore every piece of trash you "create" was not actually created by you, but rather it originally came from nature (in some form or another). Yes, even toxic "waste" came from the very Mother Earth that these fact-perverting Environmentalists are trying to "protect". When you throw your left-over food wrappers out the window you are actually giving back to nature just a portion of what she has given you, and you can feel good about that. Instead of selfishly keeping in locked in a trash bag prison, you are allowing it freedom to be used by nature all over again!

With that in mind here are some pointers that will help you as you give back to nature. First, be sure to throw your trash in a forest, glade, pond, ocean, or some other natural setting. This will ensure that nature will get the benefit of the materials to be used and they will not be trapped in a dumpster or waste can, rendered worthless by anyone. Second, do not recycle. Despite what you may have been spoon-fed in public school recycling is extremely selfish and not only hurts Mother Earth physically, it hurts her feelings. When you recycle you are basically saying "Hey nature, I want this garbage to use for my own things and you can't have it". Clearly this is an enormous slap in the face to our home planet. Third, be sure to take the time to throw unused metals, appliances, and vehicles into caves or bury them. This is only appropriate considering metals have to be mined from within the Earth.

Now that you know the truth about "littering" and how good it is for everyone I hope you will tell everyone you know and we can change the world together. Littering is just one small thing we can all do to make this world a better place. Thank you, and please direct any naysayers or unbelievers here, for you can't argue with fact! Good night.